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Bigredtxs907

Bigredtxs907

Member
Oct 9, 2021
26
hello, my real name is Colton and I'm 28 years old. I been think about ending my life since 2016 so about 5 years now. I have 2 amazing sons. 7 and 8 I believe now.... I haven't seen them since they where young. put 2 and 2 together your starting to see where this story is going..... I failed as a father and as a husband. I came home drunk one night and my ex wife starting hitting me so I pushed her down the stairs in 2015 I been saying its self defense for years now but took a plea deal because the court prosses was too long and I wanted it off my recorded and too continue with my job/life at the time. but a year after I have wanted to be back with my kids and ex... I cant continue living with this pain and regret. I wish I could read my kids one last bed time story and kiss my wife one last time. But she wants nothing todo with me and has since gotten a restraint order on me. I have tried mixing pills and alcohol in the past. Even tried drinking hole 5ths and driving blacked out. But for some reason god want let me end my own life..... He thinks it a joke to keep me here with this pain... I have since started cutting friends and family out of my life. Well more of the story will be posted as time moves on... in this painful world......
 
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Darkover

Darkover

Archangel
Jul 29, 2021
5,653
emotion controls us all, no one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. through and through, you'll never want to lose it, but life betrays us in the end.
 
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PeacefulTonic

Enlightened
Aug 10, 2021
1,006
I feel your pain and regret, but you shouldn't drive drunk and blacked out, you risk putting others in danger. If you really want to ctb, look for more peaceful ways that don't endanger the lives of others
 
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Bigredtxs907

Bigredtxs907

Member
Oct 9, 2021
26
I feel your pain and regret, but you shouldn't drive drunk and blacked out, you risk putting others in danger. If you really want to ctb, look for more peaceful ways that don't endanger the lives of others
I am working on it... these where younger days
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,682
This life certainly is painful. I'm sorry you are suffering and that things are so hopeless. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
 
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