Michelstaedter
Experienced
- Feb 25, 2025
- 203
Almost 12 years ago, there were 8 of them; today the last one passed away...
I saw him suffer, I saw him lose his life, I saw him deteriorate to the point where I didn't know if it was better for him to die or stay alive to "satisfy" my ego.
I came to this forum because I'm looking for methods, more than the ones I already know and saw years ago on a blog, in a book, and of course on this forum. I came because I knew it was going to happen soon, I came because I'd already resigned myself to it, because life is suffering and at some point you die, so it's better to know when to leave and for the reasons to be as clear as possible.
I read the abbreviation "SN" and "CTB" among so many posts, people doubting, planning, depressed, or maybe just temporarily overwhelmed... I don't know what to think. The only thing I do know is that I'm serious and that if you're reading this, meditate on your decision, your thoughts, motivations, and the reason why you want to achieve it. It may be something that for many could be something trivial, something serious, painful, but there will always be different opinions. Only you, who is reading this, should know how serious your reason for doing it is. If your pet died, if your mother died, if the person who rejected you is the cause of your pain and you want to end it, only you will know if it's the right thing to do, no one else.
I'm tired, and right now I'm not going to do it because the pain bothers me. Even now, more than suffering, I feel empty. But if I ever do it, there's a good chance. I want to have the clarity, the ideal planning, and the guts to achieve it. Tomorrow, perhaps, the real planning will begin. The method doesn't matter, just the objective.
I saw him suffer, I saw him lose his life, I saw him deteriorate to the point where I didn't know if it was better for him to die or stay alive to "satisfy" my ego.
I came to this forum because I'm looking for methods, more than the ones I already know and saw years ago on a blog, in a book, and of course on this forum. I came because I knew it was going to happen soon, I came because I'd already resigned myself to it, because life is suffering and at some point you die, so it's better to know when to leave and for the reasons to be as clear as possible.
I read the abbreviation "SN" and "CTB" among so many posts, people doubting, planning, depressed, or maybe just temporarily overwhelmed... I don't know what to think. The only thing I do know is that I'm serious and that if you're reading this, meditate on your decision, your thoughts, motivations, and the reason why you want to achieve it. It may be something that for many could be something trivial, something serious, painful, but there will always be different opinions. Only you, who is reading this, should know how serious your reason for doing it is. If your pet died, if your mother died, if the person who rejected you is the cause of your pain and you want to end it, only you will know if it's the right thing to do, no one else.
I'm tired, and right now I'm not going to do it because the pain bothers me. Even now, more than suffering, I feel empty. But if I ever do it, there's a good chance. I want to have the clarity, the ideal planning, and the guts to achieve it. Tomorrow, perhaps, the real planning will begin. The method doesn't matter, just the objective.
