xoxo24
/ᐠ - ˕ -マ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
- Oct 25, 2023
- 36
I haven't been on here for quite some time, I was actually starting to get better, made friends and hungout with them and all, the day right after i finished my exams, i woke up to my grandma dieing.
My grandma was very special to me and we were close, she was the closest thing i had to a mother figure since my mom wasnt the nicest, she was truly one of the only people in my life with empathy and kindness, she was always so gentle with me, it's been over a month now and i cant even accept the fact that i have to talk about her in past tense.
I've just started my second and last semester in uni and i have this huge graduation project that i need to get to and i just can't, i physically and mentally cant and idk what the hell im gonna do, ive never had to deal with this much grief in my life, i spend the whole day playing games on my pc and just forgetting im a human, funnily enough its the only thing that helps. I get to forget how much she held on to my hand when she was dieing and how she looked. She couldnt even wait for my graduation lol
I think this is the first time ever in my life where i truly just want to die, i dont want to exist anymore, there's no point, my future is bleak, I'm a waste of oxygen and im not even good at anything to have value.
Im so tired, one second im fine and happy and the next i have to lock myself in the nearest room to cry so hard i forget how to breathe, i dont get why or how people do this, how peopel act human or "do" life, its exhausting i just want to take a long nap, i havent showered in so long i smell disgusting, i think im also having an episode of some sort writing this, idk whats wrong with me but i want everything to just stop.
My grandma was very special to me and we were close, she was the closest thing i had to a mother figure since my mom wasnt the nicest, she was truly one of the only people in my life with empathy and kindness, she was always so gentle with me, it's been over a month now and i cant even accept the fact that i have to talk about her in past tense.
I've just started my second and last semester in uni and i have this huge graduation project that i need to get to and i just can't, i physically and mentally cant and idk what the hell im gonna do, ive never had to deal with this much grief in my life, i spend the whole day playing games on my pc and just forgetting im a human, funnily enough its the only thing that helps. I get to forget how much she held on to my hand when she was dieing and how she looked. She couldnt even wait for my graduation lol
I think this is the first time ever in my life where i truly just want to die, i dont want to exist anymore, there's no point, my future is bleak, I'm a waste of oxygen and im not even good at anything to have value.
Im so tired, one second im fine and happy and the next i have to lock myself in the nearest room to cry so hard i forget how to breathe, i dont get why or how people do this, how peopel act human or "do" life, its exhausting i just want to take a long nap, i havent showered in so long i smell disgusting, i think im also having an episode of some sort writing this, idk whats wrong with me but i want everything to just stop.
