Help My friend is dating an abuser

[struggles_inc]

The title says it. My friend is dating an abusive emotional rollercoaster of a person who cheated for fun. They refuse to admit to being abused and tell me ohhhh nobody's perfect.
I feel helpless and I don't want to be co-abused so I don't want to speak to this friend anymore. But I also don't want them to suffer…

What the fuck should I do?!

 

[Sleeper System]

Give your opinion. Offer help if you are able to give it. Other than that, nothing. You try to make yourself accountable for other peoples lives and you will only live to regret it. Learn from the mistakes of others on this subject. You don't have to experience this for yourself in order to learn the most likely outcomes.

You already said your choice is to distance yourself. That's acceptable.
The other choice would be to just be there when they need you and let whatever happenes happen.

 

[Innereye]

Depending on how deep you want to go you can try to understand the nature of the situation, when speaking with your friend don't directly call out what you think is happening, that will trigger them to rebel against you and further isolate them to the abuser.

Overall best course depends on how much of a hold is on them and how much you care.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i wish i could tell you something. but my bf has been "yelling" at me for years about it.
it took me moving out for a couple of days and then having to move back in before i couldnt deny it anymore...

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I wish I had a friend like you when I needed one like that haha..
Maybe send them link to a article talking about red flags in dating?

 

[dreamingofrest]

There's only so much that you can do, I think. You did the best you can for your friend and now need to be looking out for yourself too. The person who I love most was in a similar position as you (dealing with a friend being abused by another friend) and it wasn't an easy situation at all.
I hope things get better for you and your friend.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Let them suffer! lol

Take good care of yourself in 2024 and avoid excessive emotional dysregulation caused by other people's problems.

My 2024 resolution, "Eff them People!"

People and their freeloading emotional vampiring because they don't want help and only want you to agree with their nonsense should see a therapist so they can figure out why they are like that.

 

[Anonperson1]

All you can do is say your bit and leave them to it. Your choices are to walk away, or stay friends and be there when things come crashing down. If you are right and your friend is dating an abuser, if you are the one to force that realisation, you'll end up being the person blamed. If your friend never realises it, then you're a bad guy for trying to break them up.
Focus on yourself, let others make their own mistakes and face the concequences for them

 

[struggles_inc]

Thank you guys. After careful consideration I've decided to tell my friend what I think about the situation only one time. Now I will withdraw from it and just try not to be in the damage zone.
I care for them very much, but their denial is getting aggressive and I don't want to be the guilty party. I guess I will let my friend make their own mistakes and try to help them afterward if they don't push me away.
It's a very hard decision for me to make, but I just don't want to get hurt more than I already am.

 

[SexyIncél]

Thank you guys. After careful consideration I've decided to tell my friend what I think about the situation only one time. Now I will withdraw from it and just try not to be in the damage zone.
I care for them very much, but their denial is getting aggressive and I don't want to be the guilty party. I guess I will let my friend make their own mistakes and try to help them afterward if they don't push me away.
It's a very hard decision for me to make, but I just don't want to get hurt more than I already am.

You sound like a very good friend. Your reasoning sounds impeccable. Hopefully you won't be attacked too hard for disclosing your thoughts the one time

 

[Ashu]

The title says it. My friend is dating an abusive emotional rollercoaster of a person who cheated for fun. They refuse to admit to being abused and tell me ohhhh nobody's perfect.

Well, just going by what you say, it sounds like this isn't her problem. There's nothing inherently abusive about having sex with someone other than your partner if both partners are OK with it. But I know that we who believe in free love are a microscopic minority, and of course I cannot form a true idea of your friend's situation from what you have written.