Help My friend is buying me a gun and I'm scared of myself.

[phantomisgone]

Hey everyone,
It's been three years since my suicide attempt, and I've been slowly getting better. I graduated college, got a job, and have been working on building my life as an adult. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I know it's a journey.

When I was hospitalized, one of my closest friends — someone I've known since high school — stood by me through everything. We still hang out all the time, and I really value our friendship. He has a military background and knows a lot about weapons, guns, and ammo. He's taken me to the shooting range several times, and I've gone along and tried it too.

Recently, though, he told me he wants to buy me a gun for Christmas. At first, I thought he was joking, but he's been taking me to the range more often, asking what I like, and even putting money down for it.

The thing is… I'm scared of having that kind of power. When I made my attempt, it was with SN. Back then, just having it in my room made me feel "safe" in a weird way — like I had a way out if I needed it. I don't have it anymore because the police confiscated it.

But a gun feels different. It's too quick. One second and it would all be over. Honestly, from what the hospital told me, I'm lucky to even be here right now.

I'm just scared of having something like that in my room again. I don't know how to tell my friend how I feel without making him worry that I'm suicidal again. I don't want to put that kind of stress or guilt on him, especially if something were to happen.

I just don't know what to say or do. I can't talk to him about this nor anyone in real life.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I'm sorry you're in this position, it should be known not to give a person who is/was suicidal at any point a gun, it should be their choice. Let him know though that you aren't a risk to yourself at the moment but with how you know yourself you know you cannot be trusted around a gun. You can keep it very simple and tell him how it's very common for people with mental illness not to be able to have a gun even if they aren't suicidal at the moment.

If you do get it take it to your local law enforcement right away if you can. I know by me they will take in guns at least and its no questions asked. Guns are expensive but your safety is more important than $500.

 

[phantomisgone]

I'm sorry you're in this position, it should be known not to give a person who is/was suicidal at any point a gun, it should be their choice. Let him know though that you aren't a risk to yourself at the moment but with how you know yourself you know you cannot be trusted around a gun. You can keep it very simple and tell him how it's very common for people with mental illness not to be able to have a gun even if they aren't suicidal at the moment.

If you do get it take it to your local law enforcement right away if you can. I know by me they will take in guns at least and its no questions asked. Guns are expensive but your safety is more important than $500.

I don't want to frighten him though.

 

[Redacted24]

Hey, you know yourself best. And that's terrific!

I enjoy shooting, myself. I've won small contests.

But on a bad day I might impulsively shoot myself.

So I don't keep a firearm anywhere near me.
And even when I'm at the range I can be anxious about impulsivity.

Your friend means well, and it's clear that they care about you. That means - all of you. Including your scars. If they care that much, maybe leveling with them would be the best gift you can give them...and maybe they'll be happy to keep the firearm safely tucked in their gun cabinet for you and bring it to the range when you both go?

I would love to have a friend like that in my life!
And clearly they think a lot of you too, and enjoy being around you.
Just a thought...