Venting My first thread and one of the reasons I want to CTB

[nonbeing]

Hey SaSu, after lurking for a while, I decided that now that I've passed a certain threshold of suffering, I should create an account on here and contribute to discussions and give back to you guys through that somehow eventually, because I'm truly grateful this place exists. I apologize in advance if I express myself not the way I desperately wished to, because I feel weak, and this story is so complicated and long, and honestly, I've never told anyone about this.

So, one of the reasons I want to CTB is my mother. She's mentally ill, undiagnosed, and not acknowledging her illness, so rejecting any treatment. She thinks she's being gangstalked by her ex-husband (my father) and some woman (that exists, I'm 99% sure) with the same first name as her. She keeps talking to herself very loudly and in very disgusting terms about her, insulting her in a very disgusting way. I don't know if she knows she's hurting me, but she also emotionally abuses me and lies and manipulates me constantly. She claims that the main reason for the stalking is her beauty and that they're jealous of her beauty. She also claims that they're trying to turn her into a male by giving her hormones through contaminating her food or making her distracted so they can inject the hormones in public when she's outside. And of course, I'm completely complicit in this, and I'm directly communicating with that woman with the same name constantly. I keep getting accused and vile words thrown at me, and right now, I don't have the means to get away from her sadly. This leads to me being a very angry person. I broke all my belongings. I literally have nothing besides this phone. My mental health is deteriorating and my physical health also. I have zero friends, offline or online, but honestly, that's caused by other mental issues (I keep deleting my accounts everywhere; I don't really know why I can't keep one social media or email account). My mother also has a trick up her sleeve because she knows I'm dependent on her, and she will constantly threaten to abandon me.

I'm quite happy for documenting this here, even if it's just a small small tiny chunk of my story. I'm sorry if I said something wrong and thank you for reading through all of this. Let this serve as an introduction to me, even if it isn't very detailed.

 

[bruised_reed]

I am so very sorry you are going through that :(

 

[dialogos]

I would suggest leaving her if you can, she's clearly harmful to you. I'm not sure if you're a minor or if you're a woman etc. try looking for charitable organizations that can assist you to make the move with temporary lodging etc while you look for work. you can't stay with her anymore

 

[nonbeing]

I am so very sorry you are going through that :(

Thanks for listening. It means more than you know.

I would suggest leaving her if you can, she's clearly harmful to you. I'm not sure if you're a minor or if you're a woman etc. try looking for charitable organizations that can assist you to make the move with temporary lodging etc while you look for work. you can't stay with her anymore

First, thank you for listening and reading through my thread. And secondly, you're probably right that I have to leave, but as I said, I'm currently not able to do so for reasons I can't specify. But trust me, when an adequate opportunity for me arises, I'll be gone in an instant. Thank you for your advice, and it feels validating to hear that I shouldn't stay with her.