GoSan1
Misfit
- Nov 7, 2024
- 309
This is somewhat of a confession rather than a vent. I'm also not judging my father; I'm expressing my feelings.
Ever since I was a child, I knew my father was not a good person, but I didn't linger on it. I was a kid, after all, lost in dreams and hopes that I would never have guessed would one day be ripped apart. He often argued with my mother, but never hit her. Just loud cussing and then going out to probably cheat or gamble. He did have a gambling addiction after all.
The amount of money he lost us is just baffling to me. The number of things we could have done, all gone to some slot machines. But then again, I don't judge him. We all have our addictions after all.
I don't want to know all the bad things he's done, because I know it goes so much deeper than I can think of...
He is a Bus driver currently, which is why one day he received a bag with a Nintendo Switch and around 24 games from a passenger saying that someone must have forgotten it and to please put it in the lost & found box. He tricked that passenger into thinking he told bus central over a radio, while i n reality he didnt do anything. Later on, he gave it to me and told me to give it to my small brother if I didn't want to do it. At first I was sceptical, because he sometimes says such things when in reality he buys them, but I'm good with anything PC and Gaming related, and found out that a credit card was still left connected in the nintendo store. I tried contacting that person through any means, like changing the username to my email, telling nintendo I found the switch and didnt trust lost & found. All for naught. Why didn't I bring it there myself? Cause I'm a coward. Cause I didn't want to be arguing with him about right and wrong. I saw scsreenshots which clearly 2 children took of their pokemon avatars and pokemons. And I fucking modded that switch and erased it all. I played with it while 2 kids probably cried their eyes out.
Now today, just 1 hour ago, my father gifted me a S25 Ultra, which I too thought he did because he hated that my xiaomi was imported from china. But no, he got it cheap from a "family" member, who bought it with a card of someone else. He didnt tell me more, but I do not want to know which poor, wicked soul was hurt this time. And what did I do? I took it and accepted it because I didnt want to argue again. I'm already fighting off drinking my SN this weekend for my mother, whom I'm having a fight with atm. I can't bother anymore.
I never wanted to be born, less with such tainted and cursed blood in me. Why did this have to happen? I don't get it. I never asked for this, yet ALL ALL ALL THE THINGS I ASK FOR ARE UNREACHABLE. IS THIS MY TORTURE?
He now has a new apartment with his current girlfriend, and seems really happy. She seems to be earning well, too, which gives him some financial freedom. He stopped gambling, I think, but is this how it works? Do all those things to others and still live like that? But since I take those things and use them, I am no better. Maybe that is why I bear this blood.
One and a half more years. I'm not going past 24. That number was stuck in my head since I'm a teen for a reason. That's the only year I will continue. On my 25th Birthday, I will drink SN, or if taken from me, jump from a building.
Only an Angel can save me. Other than that, it will be the poison or impact giving me rest.
Ever since I was a child, I knew my father was not a good person, but I didn't linger on it. I was a kid, after all, lost in dreams and hopes that I would never have guessed would one day be ripped apart. He often argued with my mother, but never hit her. Just loud cussing and then going out to probably cheat or gamble. He did have a gambling addiction after all.
The amount of money he lost us is just baffling to me. The number of things we could have done, all gone to some slot machines. But then again, I don't judge him. We all have our addictions after all.
I don't want to know all the bad things he's done, because I know it goes so much deeper than I can think of...
He is a Bus driver currently, which is why one day he received a bag with a Nintendo Switch and around 24 games from a passenger saying that someone must have forgotten it and to please put it in the lost & found box. He tricked that passenger into thinking he told bus central over a radio, while i n reality he didnt do anything. Later on, he gave it to me and told me to give it to my small brother if I didn't want to do it. At first I was sceptical, because he sometimes says such things when in reality he buys them, but I'm good with anything PC and Gaming related, and found out that a credit card was still left connected in the nintendo store. I tried contacting that person through any means, like changing the username to my email, telling nintendo I found the switch and didnt trust lost & found. All for naught. Why didn't I bring it there myself? Cause I'm a coward. Cause I didn't want to be arguing with him about right and wrong. I saw scsreenshots which clearly 2 children took of their pokemon avatars and pokemons. And I fucking modded that switch and erased it all. I played with it while 2 kids probably cried their eyes out.
Now today, just 1 hour ago, my father gifted me a S25 Ultra, which I too thought he did because he hated that my xiaomi was imported from china. But no, he got it cheap from a "family" member, who bought it with a card of someone else. He didnt tell me more, but I do not want to know which poor, wicked soul was hurt this time. And what did I do? I took it and accepted it because I didnt want to argue again. I'm already fighting off drinking my SN this weekend for my mother, whom I'm having a fight with atm. I can't bother anymore.
I never wanted to be born, less with such tainted and cursed blood in me. Why did this have to happen? I don't get it. I never asked for this, yet ALL ALL ALL THE THINGS I ASK FOR ARE UNREACHABLE. IS THIS MY TORTURE?
He now has a new apartment with his current girlfriend, and seems really happy. She seems to be earning well, too, which gives him some financial freedom. He stopped gambling, I think, but is this how it works? Do all those things to others and still live like that? But since I take those things and use them, I am no better. Maybe that is why I bear this blood.
One and a half more years. I'm not going past 24. That number was stuck in my head since I'm a teen for a reason. That's the only year I will continue. On my 25th Birthday, I will drink SN, or if taken from me, jump from a building.
Only an Angel can save me. Other than that, it will be the poison or impact giving me rest.
