Jisatsu
黒い薔薇(The Black Rose)
- Jan 5, 2025
- 2,014
This would be a day that I have nothing planned which is usually the case....
Morning
I wake up at 8 to 9 am crying about 9 times out of 10 ...
I don't have to get up... I just remind myself that I just have to open my eyes.
I drink water or whatever I have near me when I get up, usually alcohol , monster, juice or water ....
I scroll through this forum and messages I may have received.
I stare at my phone for a hour or two and I either go back to sleep or I get up to force myself to shower and brush my teeth.
Put on the same stupid emo/weeb clothes I always do.
Eat something. Crackers. Toast. Leftovers. Very rarely do I actually make a actual breakfast.... Fuel the meat suit ... I fucking hate.
Midday
Sleep/Bed rotting or I sit outside and smoke .
Put on music that matches my mood. Not to fix it. To feel less alone in it.
If I'm not bed rotting ill do one pointless task: wash dishes, throw out trash, sweep my messy living area...
Afternoon
Rot . Scroll. Stare at the wall. Dissociate.
Usually this time is when I start having a lot of suicidal thoughts or wanting to fall on one of my addictions.
Evening
I'll either be asleep,high,drunk or watching something .
Ill be in my room with a few blankets, dim lights, a familiar show or youtuber on.....
Night
The thoughts get louder at night.
I dissociate... see and hear the most amount of my hallucinations . Sometimes I entertain myself with them by talking to them but other times they freak me put and I distract myself.
I might play a video game .... but once it gets late if I'm not high or drunk I just lay still and close my eyes until I eventually fall asleep at 3 or 4am....
But sometimes I'm tired and I end up staring at the noose .... hoping I'll get impulsive....and go out early ...
Morning
I wake up at 8 to 9 am crying about 9 times out of 10 ...
I don't have to get up... I just remind myself that I just have to open my eyes.
I drink water or whatever I have near me when I get up, usually alcohol , monster, juice or water ....
I scroll through this forum and messages I may have received.
I stare at my phone for a hour or two and I either go back to sleep or I get up to force myself to shower and brush my teeth.
Put on the same stupid emo/weeb clothes I always do.
Eat something. Crackers. Toast. Leftovers. Very rarely do I actually make a actual breakfast.... Fuel the meat suit ... I fucking hate.
Midday
Sleep/Bed rotting or I sit outside and smoke .
Put on music that matches my mood. Not to fix it. To feel less alone in it.
If I'm not bed rotting ill do one pointless task: wash dishes, throw out trash, sweep my messy living area...
Afternoon
Rot . Scroll. Stare at the wall. Dissociate.
Usually this time is when I start having a lot of suicidal thoughts or wanting to fall on one of my addictions.
Evening
I'll either be asleep,high,drunk or watching something .
Ill be in my room with a few blankets, dim lights, a familiar show or youtuber on.....
Night
The thoughts get louder at night.
I dissociate... see and hear the most amount of my hallucinations . Sometimes I entertain myself with them by talking to them but other times they freak me put and I distract myself.
I might play a video game .... but once it gets late if I'm not high or drunk I just lay still and close my eyes until I eventually fall asleep at 3 or 4am....
But sometimes I'm tired and I end up staring at the noose .... hoping I'll get impulsive....and go out early ...
