Venting My bff has a gf and she's not me

[Cry Baby <3]

Hii, I need to vent so badly, and I feel like yall here might get it??
Soo I came to the conclusion that my love for my best friend wasn't so platonic after all right when she told me she found a girlfriend, and I just can't seem to get it together...
She is one of the most important and dear to my heart people in my pathetic little life, but she only loves me as a friend (which is already way more than I could ever ask for), so I can't rlly tell her how I feel, cause that could change our relationship for the worse, and I just have this gut feeling that's excactly what would happen if I told her.
I don't wanna be with her, and it's cause of me (being with me would be pure suffering, which is the last thing I wish for her), so I should feel fine with her getting together with someone else, but OH BOI-
Dont get me wrong, Im so happy for her, seeing her in such a good mood all the time makes my day, and thats why Im so mad at myself for being so jealous at the same time. Cause like, I literally couldnt wish for a better gf for her (I met the girlfriend, and shes all I could ask for for my friend, I do like her), but at the same time I know that if I wasnt such an annoying loser it coulda maybe been me...
Shes the happiest shes ever been, thus it bugs me that the whole situation makes me hurt, especially because I believe its the first time in my life that Im this jealous. I just thought my flawed self had one good trait- lack of jelousy, but turns out I was wrong once again.
Ive accepted that someone way out of my ligue giving me so much love (even if just platonic) and kindness is already a miracle. Also I reckoned I made peace with being heartbroken. Turns out nothin Ive been thru before couldve prepared me for such conflicted feelings appearing in me at the very same time.
I need the suffering to stop, cuz Im so exhausted Im not sure if I will make it to the end of this year, I been saying this for the past few years, but this time I mean it even more than before.
Anyways, sorry to anyone reading this and have a nice day/night <3

 

[Dejected 55]

I recognize it is WAY easier for me to say than even for me to take my own advice and do...

But if I loved someone and that someone was a friend who was in love with someone else.

IF I hadn't already told them how I felt previously... I would have to find a way to do so now... and it wouldn't be "hey, I love you and I wish you would break up with whomever and go with me"... but it would be "hey, I have feelings for you and I didn't even fully realize just how strong until you told me you were seeing someone and I realized that while I was happy for you to be happy, it also hurt me inside." And then I would have to back out of that friendship. I would not be able to be a good platonic friend to someone I had those strong feelings for and know there was no chance of reciprocation. It doesn't make you bad or anything to look out for your own sanity.

Maybe you can do it... but I know I couldn't do it... It's find to be friends with anyone you aren't attracted to... but if the "more" feeling is there for one of you and not the other, that friendship is doomed to sour at some point, so I think it's better to come clean when you first realize it and end the friendship on positive terms.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've experienced the much more watered down version of this. As in, a best friend I didn't have romantic feelings for (they were the same sex and, I'm straight) but, I had become emotionally dependent on, spent more time with a boyfriend they later married and had children with.

It was really hard to realise that I couldn't depend on them really now because, their priorities had changed. That perhaps they would change too. We'd become more different as people. Which of course, we have. We've pretty much lost contact. The worst of it was, they still needed me for a while. I grew tired of being picked up and dropped whenever he came along.

It's so hard to let them go though. I imagine it's so much harder when you realise you have deeper feelings for them. I'm sorry.

I did eventually recover. There was even a specific moment that I forced myself to emotionally pull away to protect myself.

I found myself confronting that horrible admission though- that I was feeling like a jilted lover. I felt jealous too.

I recognize it is WAY easier for me to say than even for me to take my own advice and do...

But if I loved someone and that someone was a friend who was in love with someone else.

IF I hadn't already told them how I felt previously... I would have to find a way to do so now... and it wouldn't be "hey, I love you and I wish you would break up with whomever and go with me"... but it would be "hey, I have feelings for you and I didn't even fully realize just how strong until you told me you were seeing someone and I realized that while I was happy for you to be happy, it also hurt me inside." And then I would have to back out of that friendship. I would not be able to be a good platonic friend to someone I had those strong feelings for and know there was no chance of reciprocation. It doesn't make you bad or anything to look out for your own sanity.

Maybe you can do it... but I know I couldn't do it... It's find to be friends with anyone you aren't attracted to... but if the "more" feeling is there for one of you and not the other, that friendship is doomed to sour at some point, so I think it's better to come clean when you first realize it and end the friendship on positive terms.

I think this is the horrible dilema of it. They go from being the person we confide our most private vulnerabilities and hurts to, to becoming the person who is (inadvertently) causing us a very intense hurt.

Of course, the natural reaction is to try and seek sympathy from them but then, how can they hear that and not feel the most tremendous awkwardness and even guilt? Presumably, they still care about us deeply on some level but, quite possibly, not a romantic one. I just tend to worry it would change the relationship forever.

I think sometimes we dellude ourselves that we still might have a chance with them- if only they knew the truth. Obviously, I don't know. Maybe the OP does. Maybe you have. But still, I lingered in that trap for years with limerence. It took my Dad to point out that- if these guys were interested in that way, they would have done something to show it by now.

Is it really all that fair to burden someone with the knowledge they've broken our heart? Who does that actually benefit? I guess it's an explanation if we feel like we can't see them again. I ended up ghosting former crushes. It must have seemed a bit weird to them but, it felt better than the truth.

 

[iw2begone]

I've experienced exactly this, I had to stop speaking to them because I realised I was letting it cause problems, and the feelings are still there and won't go away.

 

[Cry Baby <3]

I recognize it is WAY easier for me to say than even for me to take my own advice and do...

But if I loved someone and that someone was a friend who was in love with someone else.

IF I hadn't already told them how I felt previously... I would have to find a way to do so now... and it wouldn't be "hey, I love you and I wish you would break up with whomever and go with me"... but it would be "hey, I have feelings for you and I didn't even fully realize just how strong until you told me you were seeing someone and I realized that while I was happy for you to be happy, it also hurt me inside." And then I would have to back out of that friendship. I would not be able to be a good platonic friend to someone I had those strong feelings for and know there was no chance of reciprocation. It doesn't make you bad or anything to look out for your own sanity.

Maybe you can do it... but I know I couldn't do it... It's find to be friends with anyone you aren't attracted to... but if the "more" feeling is there for one of you and not the other, that friendship is doomed to sour at some point, so I think it's better to come clean when you first realize it and end the friendship on positive terms.

I know I should let her go, but I literally have no other friends, shes all I have, and losing her friendship would absolutely break me... I feel like I need to figure out how to overcome that pain, so that I can carry on with it buried deep down in me, idk... Still, thank you sm for ur advice <33

I've experienced exactly this, I had to stop speaking to them because I realised I was letting it cause problems, and the feelings are still there and won't go away.

Im so sorry you had to go through it too, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here

I've experienced exactly this, I had to stop speaking to them because I realised I was letting it cause problems, and the feelings are still there and won't go away.

Im so sorry you had to go through it too, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here