Lxions
they/he
- Apr 6, 2023
- 86
im just going to use this thread to complain about my life since i have nowhere else to.
currently my life consists of ... nothing. my life consists of nothing. im classified as a neet, not in education, employment, or training.. nor do i think i ever will be again. its been like this since i got out of high school. even in high school i was suicidal and miserable, but i was at least forced to get up every day (almost). my senior year i maybe only went a few days, im lucky i graduated on time, or at all really. it's not like it will ever matter anyways. ive known im useless, unbearable, and simply hopeless since i was 9.
im completely unable to do anything. im so depressed that most days i dont even get out of bed, i will go days without moving, eating, drinking, bathing, using the restroom. its miserable. living is miserable. my needs are taken care of to an extent by my fiance. he really, really tries, but he will just never understand anything that is going on, its not his fault. someone who never has had to experience this wont ever truly get it. it sucks, it really.. really sucks. im practically leeching onto him. i dont do ANYTHING. i cant cook or clean, i cant even bathe regularly without having such extreme anxiety and exhaustion. i dont make any money, and we are struggling really bad, it's all constantly pushed onto him to deal with. i hate it. i hate being SO useless, and i hate that im such a pussy. i cant just pull the trigger and i dont know why. i feel like this sick poison that never leaves, a literal parasite. i either sleep too much or stay up to the point where medical intervention is a necessity. maybe one day i wont be so fucking worthless, maybe ill actually be able to pull the trigger finally and he wont have to deal with my pathetic self anymore. that's really my only dream anymore... to stop being such a huge burden.
it feels like nobody hears me. nobody sees my life the way i do, pointless. life is so, so utterly pointless. it's full of nothing but pain, suffering, stress, and burdens. i wouldnt wish these feelings on my worst enemy.
im sorry
currently my life consists of ... nothing. my life consists of nothing. im classified as a neet, not in education, employment, or training.. nor do i think i ever will be again. its been like this since i got out of high school. even in high school i was suicidal and miserable, but i was at least forced to get up every day (almost). my senior year i maybe only went a few days, im lucky i graduated on time, or at all really. it's not like it will ever matter anyways. ive known im useless, unbearable, and simply hopeless since i was 9.
im completely unable to do anything. im so depressed that most days i dont even get out of bed, i will go days without moving, eating, drinking, bathing, using the restroom. its miserable. living is miserable. my needs are taken care of to an extent by my fiance. he really, really tries, but he will just never understand anything that is going on, its not his fault. someone who never has had to experience this wont ever truly get it. it sucks, it really.. really sucks. im practically leeching onto him. i dont do ANYTHING. i cant cook or clean, i cant even bathe regularly without having such extreme anxiety and exhaustion. i dont make any money, and we are struggling really bad, it's all constantly pushed onto him to deal with. i hate it. i hate being SO useless, and i hate that im such a pussy. i cant just pull the trigger and i dont know why. i feel like this sick poison that never leaves, a literal parasite. i either sleep too much or stay up to the point where medical intervention is a necessity. maybe one day i wont be so fucking worthless, maybe ill actually be able to pull the trigger finally and he wont have to deal with my pathetic self anymore. that's really my only dream anymore... to stop being such a huge burden.
it feels like nobody hears me. nobody sees my life the way i do, pointless. life is so, so utterly pointless. it's full of nothing but pain, suffering, stress, and burdens. i wouldnt wish these feelings on my worst enemy.
im sorry
