Venting Mixed signals

[grandmotherboxing]

Theres a girl who i thought liked me because we got somewhat close, and she knew most of the details of whats going on with me and my life. She's also neurodivergent and we shared a lot in common, and so when she sent out the signals I took it slow. But I cant get any clarity, I just feel exploited for sport. And then she apologises. Whatever. She's not gonna reciprocate my feelings and I fall in love after a month, so...

I dunno. The reason I am fucked is because my entire life no one has been straightforward with me. Just a constant bait and switch with everyone and in the end nothing but pain, misery, fear and distrust.

when youre vulnerable people use it against you. Maybe not always, with me it was always. My family would invalidate me because of my mental health or emotional instability. My mother would find out i was bisexual, tell me its okay then call me a f****t when I argued with her. When i was feeling awful I would get mocked for it, even saying words everyone else can say would be mocked and bullied. Nothing made sense. I would get muted in discord servers because someone cant stand my voice. No friends to speak of because everyone went behind my back. I'll never forgive them... I just wish I knew someone felt sorry for it

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm much older than you (from Indonesia), and I also feel/experienced similar thing, for almost 2 years. It just really hurts so much deeply. And it's making my depression a lot much worse now.

"I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."

That quote sadly summed up about my life.

I also really envy & jealous of why there are people who are just so lucky living their 'happy lives' (& 'happy couples/relationships/marriages'),
while here I am just alone by myself.

Life is not fair. And to always see/watch other people happy just crush & destroy me.

I wish I could be happy too... I wish I could have a happy life too...