Venting Matryoshka Doll Of Self Hatred

[INYGTRMTFMO]

Matryoshka Doll Of Self Hatred

During a moment recently where I was struggling with self-hatred pretty intensely, I had the thought that I'm a "matyoshka doll (Russian stacking doll) of self hatred". You open the most superficial layer (ie Imposter Syndrome in the workplace -- they're going to realize that I'm not as smart as they think I am), and there's another layer (ie My family also thinks I'm stupid, and I'm terrible at being an adult offspring and a sibling), and then, if you crack that open, there's another layer (ie I'm fundamentally not good enough as a person).

I'm working on "repainting" the doll to be a matryoshka doll of self-love (ie "I'm fundamentally a person of worth and value despite my flaws" > "My family loves me deeply and is glad to have me in their lives" > "Whatever the difference between how I see myself and how people at work see me, I do contribute things of value."

The paint keeps chipping and peeling. I'm not sure I'm using high quality enough paint, and I can't seem to sand off the original design.

But I keep repainting nonetheless

 

[wantingdignity]

I love this

 

[monetpompo]

lovely post! ♡

 

[waitin2go]

Matryoshka Doll Of Self Hatred

During a moment recently where I was struggling with self-hatred pretty intensely, I had the thought that I'm a "matyoshka doll (Russian stacking doll) of self hatred". You open the most superficial layer (ie Imposter Syndrome in the workplace -- they're going to realize that I'm not as smart as they think I am), and there's another layer (ie My family also thinks I'm stupid, and I'm terrible at being an adult offspring and a sibling), and then, if you crack that open, there's another layer (ie I'm fundamentally not good enough as a person).

I'm working on "repainting" the doll to be a matryoshka doll of self-love (ie "I'm fundamentally a person of worth and value despite my flaws" > "My family loves me deeply and is glad to have me in their lives" > "Whatever the difference between how I see myself and how people at work see me, I do contribute things of value."

The paint keeps chipping and peeling. I'm not sure I'm using high quality enough paint, and I can't seem to sand off the original design.

But I keep repainting nonetheless

Regarding sanding off, I suppose some sort of family involvement is required for easier removal - after all, (if at all our circumstances are similar) family painted the layer with their insults/belittling etc, and assuming that, like mine, it's old paint that's been repeatedly painted over with more and more insults and belittling, the paint had absorbed deep into the wooden material and is causing the newer paint to fall off - and so far medical advancements are such that there's not much solvents that can attack the root of the problem & remedy that; like you mentioned currently continual repainting seems to be the only solution; either that or complete replacement/removal of the entire layer but that has its own host of challenges.

Keep on keeping on I admire (tbh maybe even envy hehe) your tenacity