Siamese Believe
Student
- Dec 8, 2025
- 136
I know there's no other way out, and there's no hope of a good life. I haven't even written my note yet. I've just been laying around all week.
I think about suicide all the time, I keep going over my plan for the millionth time. But it's time to act. Time for thoughts to finally become action.
I'm positive that I've survival proofed my plan as much as I possibly, humanly can. It would take a pure divine miracle to save me. There's no way in literal hell I could make it out of this alive, I've thought of this over and over.
First someone has to come to my door, which is highly unlikely, very rarely does anyone come to my door.
And even if they do come. The door is barricaded, and I'd be dying incredibly fast from blood loss. I'd have to be dead long before anyone gets past the barricades or becomes aware of them, let alone even getting to call the paramedics.
But idk, somethings stopping me from acting. I'm not sure what it is. I keep feeling like I wanna wait until I'm pushed too far again, that way I'll do it with 100% determination.
Although knowing what's at stake, I doubt I would hesitate regardless, I've suffered for way too long but still. Then too I mean you have to consider how much suffering it would take for someone to genuinely pick stabbing the heart as their way out.
That's a move made out of true desperation. Only two kinds of people would pick this method, the severely mentally ill, and someone who's accepted that they just won't be able to achieve a peaceful easy death. They choose this despite the pain, for the fast unconsciousness.
I don't know if it's entirely fear anymore, I mean I know it's gonna hurt unlike any pain I've ever felt, and be bloody of course. But that frightens me a lot less than the thought of jumping or being hit by a train. It also scares me less than the vegetable risk with hanging.
I want to use a different method but I have exhausted all my options, none of them are effective enough to my liking. I could try to keep messing around with partial hanging, but it's a big risk. This heart plan was really the only plan I've been able to think of where my death would be almost 100% guaranteed.
A gory death I'll take if it means unconsciousness in less than 10 - 15 seconds. Awake long enough to experience all the pain of course, but at least I'll have closure. In the end I can say "I won't survive".
I think about suicide all the time, I keep going over my plan for the millionth time. But it's time to act. Time for thoughts to finally become action.
I'm positive that I've survival proofed my plan as much as I possibly, humanly can. It would take a pure divine miracle to save me. There's no way in literal hell I could make it out of this alive, I've thought of this over and over.
First someone has to come to my door, which is highly unlikely, very rarely does anyone come to my door.
And even if they do come. The door is barricaded, and I'd be dying incredibly fast from blood loss. I'd have to be dead long before anyone gets past the barricades or becomes aware of them, let alone even getting to call the paramedics.
But idk, somethings stopping me from acting. I'm not sure what it is. I keep feeling like I wanna wait until I'm pushed too far again, that way I'll do it with 100% determination.
Although knowing what's at stake, I doubt I would hesitate regardless, I've suffered for way too long but still. Then too I mean you have to consider how much suffering it would take for someone to genuinely pick stabbing the heart as their way out.
That's a move made out of true desperation. Only two kinds of people would pick this method, the severely mentally ill, and someone who's accepted that they just won't be able to achieve a peaceful easy death. They choose this despite the pain, for the fast unconsciousness.
I don't know if it's entirely fear anymore, I mean I know it's gonna hurt unlike any pain I've ever felt, and be bloody of course. But that frightens me a lot less than the thought of jumping or being hit by a train. It also scares me less than the vegetable risk with hanging.
I want to use a different method but I have exhausted all my options, none of them are effective enough to my liking. I could try to keep messing around with partial hanging, but it's a big risk. This heart plan was really the only plan I've been able to think of where my death would be almost 100% guaranteed.
A gory death I'll take if it means unconsciousness in less than 10 - 15 seconds. Awake long enough to experience all the pain of course, but at least I'll have closure. In the end I can say "I won't survive".
