montanatype
Member
- Nov 7, 2024
- 80
I've always thought about this a lot. Honestly, I have no interest in leaving a note or telling anyone, but with my mother it's pretty unique. Since she's schizophrenic and I'm her only child, I have a half-finished suicide note in which I dedicate a few words to her and explain how to take SN
Another option is simply to program the note and then send it saying that I've gone on a trip with "someone" (I need to elaborate a bit on this), and that I'm never coming back, that she shouldn't worry about me, etc., etc., etc.
Honestly, it's impossible for me to go on living like this anymore. I'm noticing it in the desperate and impulsive decisions I'm making, and I'll probably never change. So, the best thing is to calm things down because I already know where things are going, and I want it that way.
I'm almost at the point of not having the slightest fucking interest in continuing to live, if I don't already have it.
22 years of suffering is too much for a human, no matter how much I "cope" with """depression""" and every other damn thing that comes up, it's enough.
Things are unstable; I don't know what I could do in a couple of months, lose touch with reality... Enough is enough.
I wanted to do things my way, like a man, my whole life, and obviously, it didn't work, but it was clear it wasn't going to work; there was never a chance.
Is this selfish of me? I could go and shoot him right now and end his misery, then shoot myself, but that would mean throwing away any semblance of a "future," and even then, something was bound to go wrong. Surely, as always
I have nothing more to say.
Another option is simply to program the note and then send it saying that I've gone on a trip with "someone" (I need to elaborate a bit on this), and that I'm never coming back, that she shouldn't worry about me, etc., etc., etc.
Honestly, it's impossible for me to go on living like this anymore. I'm noticing it in the desperate and impulsive decisions I'm making, and I'll probably never change. So, the best thing is to calm things down because I already know where things are going, and I want it that way.
I'm almost at the point of not having the slightest fucking interest in continuing to live, if I don't already have it.
22 years of suffering is too much for a human, no matter how much I "cope" with """depression""" and every other damn thing that comes up, it's enough.
Things are unstable; I don't know what I could do in a couple of months, lose touch with reality... Enough is enough.
I wanted to do things my way, like a man, my whole life, and obviously, it didn't work, but it was clear it wasn't going to work; there was never a chance.
Is this selfish of me? I could go and shoot him right now and end his misery, then shoot myself, but that would mean throwing away any semblance of a "future," and even then, something was bound to go wrong. Surely, as always
I have nothing more to say.
