Lost as what to do

[Jadotine]

I am so lost as to what to do right now... I was supposed to CTB end of February but I didn't because my friend convinced me to try medical care for at least the last time before committing, so that's what I've done.

I'm currently in the hospital right now and I don't know if I should tell how suicidal I really feel (makes a much longer stay) or just lie through it to get out as soon as possible and CTB...

The hospital stay isn't so bad, the staff are friendly and i don't need to take care of things like laundry, taking out trash or even look presentable.

But I do not see any future or hope whenever I get out.
My mind is saying that this situation is comfy enough to survive but my heart is telling me to die

I haven't been active as often as I did on the past but I see lots of people either no longer active or that CTB'd and I often think I'm a fraud for not committing fully and being scared of death itself

Should I try to recover once more or should I try to get to get out asap to CTB ? Because I just despair whenever I am looking at my future which i try to do not as often...

 

[fishperson]

I mean if there is still hope and if u still have the energy to try , why not. U are not losing anything.
I think it's when u dont have it in you to try, thats when its over

 

[TheCavernousDeep.]

I am so lost as to what to do right now... I was supposed to CTB end of February but I didn't because my friend convinced me to try medical care for at least the last time before committing, so that's what I've done.

I'm currently in the hospital right now and I don't know if I should tell how suicidal I really feel (makes a much longer stay) or just lie through it to get out as soon as possible and CTB...

The hospital stay isn't so bad, the staff are friendly and i don't need to take care of things like laundry, taking out trash or even look presentable.

But I do not see any future or hope whenever I get out.
My mind is saying that this situation is comfy enough to survive but my heart is telling me to die

I haven't been active as often as I did on the past but I see lots of people either no longer active or that CTB'd and I often think I'm a fraud for not committing fully and being scared of death itself

Should I try to recover once more or should I try to get to get out asap to CTB ? Because I just despair whenever I am looking at my future which i try to do not as often...

I think you should give it your best shot to recover. The convenient thing about suicide is it's always an effective backup plan. Unlike other things in life, it can usually be delayed and rescheduled indefinitely and remain a viable option.

You might not have another chance to start recovery as good as the one you have right now. You say you like the hospital, so IDK if the only risk is a longer stay then, that's not such a huge risk right?