Gonk
failed perfectionist
- Oct 20, 2024
- 22
Question: If there are any, what are details you care before death?
Oh well, here I am once again, cogito er sum... Errm, *ehem* what a cheap opening? I wish I had better English and tricks. But gentle on me, I am not a great forum user... Regardless... The tone I use is also exactly related to the title itself. Yes indeed, what things I had given to you so far? Minute details, some of them worthless...
Just like that, I want to open with the details... On superficial look, what I see people pay attention to the main part of this website. Which is good, and somewhat efficient I may add. But things stopping me so far, I realized, not the desire nor the will; but the fact that it starts with an important question like what will happen to others (perhaps the most important and worth-time detail); and continues with in which places my body wouldn't traumatise people; lastly ends with what will happen to me belongings and should I pack them. These could be seperate questions but, I didn't search for those, yet. What I checked out first was, whetever if someone starts with details like me first, then moves to the main event of the last day.
Is it inertia maybe? Are details that important? Because for a person like me who believes nothing, mocks religion; considering what will happen after me in my plans seems funny to me. This is more like spreading flour on a rope level excuses... If days will end, what's my take on having to consider all these afterthoughts? Alas, here I am, doing exactly those.
Maybe reason is that hidden hope that I may change my decision later, so these excuses save time... That little detail of undying desire to see another sunshine, the question of "what if"s and looking at the future that possibly seems alright; but at the same time I could already say that, I don't want not neither this, nor better, nor worse life... Then what it could be people? Addiction to the "breathing" maybe?
I want to say that, I admire if you don't care details. I've been deep with details so much in my life, with perfectionism and some stubborn "quircks" some say -but "flaws" I would like to refer- that; I can see the value of focusing on something... Yes... I can't even focus on the despair nor the thing I say I want; which made me wonder, do I care all these details for no reason at all, or you do care as well; less or more.
My Answer:
1) Still couldn't figure out what note should I left for loved ones, and I want to know that they will be in peace if I choose to do this.
2) Also, I want to give "last will and testament" because I don't want to have last thoughts of whetever people do some strange religious burial rituals on my body; rather if there will be a funeral, I would like to know that it is one made with entertainment, perhaps few bottles of champagne (why not? I want to know people remember my funeral) and then last but not least, I want to know people will tell emberassing or funny stories about me before the cemetry.
3) I decided I have to burn journals I've been writing so far. I suppouse, it is self-explationary.
P.S. So, is this discussion or venting or both?
Oh well, here I am once again, cogito er sum... Errm, *ehem* what a cheap opening? I wish I had better English and tricks. But gentle on me, I am not a great forum user... Regardless... The tone I use is also exactly related to the title itself. Yes indeed, what things I had given to you so far? Minute details, some of them worthless...
Just like that, I want to open with the details... On superficial look, what I see people pay attention to the main part of this website. Which is good, and somewhat efficient I may add. But things stopping me so far, I realized, not the desire nor the will; but the fact that it starts with an important question like what will happen to others (perhaps the most important and worth-time detail); and continues with in which places my body wouldn't traumatise people; lastly ends with what will happen to me belongings and should I pack them. These could be seperate questions but, I didn't search for those, yet. What I checked out first was, whetever if someone starts with details like me first, then moves to the main event of the last day.
Is it inertia maybe? Are details that important? Because for a person like me who believes nothing, mocks religion; considering what will happen after me in my plans seems funny to me. This is more like spreading flour on a rope level excuses... If days will end, what's my take on having to consider all these afterthoughts? Alas, here I am, doing exactly those.
Maybe reason is that hidden hope that I may change my decision later, so these excuses save time... That little detail of undying desire to see another sunshine, the question of "what if"s and looking at the future that possibly seems alright; but at the same time I could already say that, I don't want not neither this, nor better, nor worse life... Then what it could be people? Addiction to the "breathing" maybe?
I want to say that, I admire if you don't care details. I've been deep with details so much in my life, with perfectionism and some stubborn "quircks" some say -but "flaws" I would like to refer- that; I can see the value of focusing on something... Yes... I can't even focus on the despair nor the thing I say I want; which made me wonder, do I care all these details for no reason at all, or you do care as well; less or more.
My Answer:
1) Still couldn't figure out what note should I left for loved ones, and I want to know that they will be in peace if I choose to do this.
2) Also, I want to give "last will and testament" because I don't want to have last thoughts of whetever people do some strange religious burial rituals on my body; rather if there will be a funeral, I would like to know that it is one made with entertainment, perhaps few bottles of champagne (why not? I want to know people remember my funeral) and then last but not least, I want to know people will tell emberassing or funny stories about me before the cemetry.
3) I decided I have to burn journals I've been writing so far. I suppouse, it is self-explationary.
P.S. So, is this discussion or venting or both?
