limerence and feeling everything too deeply

[lawlietsph]

Just venting. Why am I like this? just why...
I "fall in love" with every single human being who is a tiny bit nice to me. They broke my heart more times than i could ever explain. Now again... A random guy from a different country, who is CLEARLY super manipulative and he plays these power games with me... I know with my head that he is a toxic af person, but I check my phone every 2 minutes to see if he replied or not. My mood is fully dependent of people around me.

I hate that i care and love soo deeply. That's what I hate mostly about myself. And people say it's a really good thing and i've been told i'm one of the most caring people in the world and whatnot, but IT'S A FUCKING CURSE.

I still daydream about a guy who treated me like pure shit. I still want his validation. I still crave their love, their nice words, oh god what i would do for some nice words...

I fear that for the rest of my life (which is hopefully not too long) i will always search for their validation. I was neglected as a child in every way except food. I know this is the reason. But why am I so unlovable? It's like I have to move moutains just for someone to say "good job". idk at this point, i'm just a pathetic fucking waste of space it's incredible. I try so hard but i am unable to love or to even like myself. I am the most disgusting piece of shit, fat, ugly, bald, dumb, too much.
and i am slowly going insane, i'm not even myself anymore. who am i? i have no personality, it did not developed normally. i'm just a baby, i want to be held like a baby what is wrong with me
just venting idk at this point

 

[Lady_V]

Hey, good job at recognizing you have a pattern and this pattern isn't working out for you. You want to feel safe; this is normal. You have probably been starved of a safe place or person since you were young. Being okay with yourself can take a long time. Even just a numb acceptance of yourself is better than full-on hate for yourself, though. Also, if you are young, please stay away from older men. They will see the vulnerable state you are in rn and take full advantage of it.

 

[lawlietsph]

Hey, good job at recognizing you have a pattern and this pattern isn't working out for you. You want to feel safe; this is normal. You have probably been starved of a safe place or person since you were young. Being okay with yourself can take a long time. Even just a numb acceptance of yourself is better than full-on hate for yourself, though. Also, if you are young, please stay away from older men. They will see the vulnerable state you are in rn and take full advantage of it.

thank you for your kindness I am really unable to accept myself, I don't know why... the deep and pure hate is just too much.
and the funny thing is that usually these men are younger than me i think i'm becoming a mother for them in a way... i feel motherly unconditional "love" (i honestly don't know if it's love or not), I want to take care of them and be there for them and all that toxic thing...
this guy who destroyed me today was just one year older than me. he is punishing me with silence now it's what my mother used to do when I was a child, so i'm actually feeling horrible and like i'm going insane

 

[amerie]

You probably are neurodivergent and struggle with emotional regulation which presents itself as hyper empathy.

Neurotypicals think and will tell you that hyper empathy is "cute" because they experience emotions normally and don't understand how hyper empathy can actually be problematic because "Gahlee!! You're sweeter than a bag of sugar!!" when being hypersensitive is actually detrimental to one's psyche if not properly taught how to regulate and use their skill for good.

Surprisingly, a lot of bullies have high EQ because they feel so deeply that they know how to be cut throat and harm others, people with hyper empathy are also a lot more prone to lashing out and having anger issues and having breakdowns over every little minor inconvenience because they lack a balance of healthy rational emotions and just become angry at the world and if neglected enough it can become catastrophic and a lot of them end up killing themsleves or becoming addicts because their emotions are so grand.

I'd say revert back to elementary school level emotional regulation techniques, neurodivergent people are cursed with the emotional skills of a child that most people grow out of. Scream into a pillow, throw yourself around and have a tantrum alone, meditate, or exercise (ik we all hate being told to do this but this is the best way to calm tf down, lifting heavy and doing cardio is beneficial for our nervous system.) find a "childish" way to self regulate.

Once you're calm, have a logical way of thinking. Remember all the times when you wanted the help of others or someone to care and they didn't, you somehow made it out so the person you feel extremely bad for can make it out too. You can offer support but you are responsible for your own life, you are not superwoman. Set boundaries and be a lot more aggressive in terms of how much you're willing to put up with and pretty soon you'll develop an equal love for being a little "mean."

Also, channel your empathy into something actually helpful or tangible. Join or start an org, do activism about causes you're passionate about. Greta Thunberg is an autistic woman who developed severe depression after finding out about the climate crisis and instead of further moping she decided to actually protest.

As for the limerence, it stems from your childhood of being continuously rejected or neglected by caregivers or society and the combination of your trauma + your bad emotional regulation turn into you clinging onto your LO for a literal purpose to live. You want this person to be the one, your savior from yourself and the evil world who shuns you. If you plan on soon then if he keeps you alive it's probably not bad to not ditch it as a cope, but if you want to recover and not then learn to accept yourself and your issues and forgive yourself and become confident.

 

[lawlietsph]

You probably are neurodivergent and struggle with emotional regulation which presents itself as hyper empathy.

Neurotypicals think and will tell you that hyper empathy is "cute" because they experience emotions normally and don't understand how hyper empathy can actually be problematic because "Gahlee!! You're sweeter than a bag of sugar!!" when being hypersensitive is actually detrimental to one's psyche if not properly taught how to regulate and use their skill for good.

Surprisingly, a lot of bullies have high EQ because they feel so deeply that they know how to be cut throat and harm others, people with hyper empathy are also a lot more prone to lashing out and having anger issues and having breakdowns over every little minor inconvenience because they lack a balance of healthy rational emotions and just become angry at the world and if neglected enough it can become catastrophic and a lot of them end up killing themsleves or becoming addicts because their emotions are so grand.

I'd say revert back to elementary school level emotional regulation techniques, neurodivergent people are cursed with the emotional skills of a child that most people grow out of. Scream into a pillow, throw yourself around and have a tantrum alone, meditate, or exercise (ik we all hate being told to do this but this is the best way to calm tf down, lifting heavy and doing cardio is beneficial for our nervous system.) find a "childish" way to self regulate.

Once you're calm, have a logical way of thinking. Remember all the times when you wanted the help of others or someone to care and they didn't, you somehow made it out so the person you feel extremely bad for can make it out too. You can offer support but you are responsible for your own life, you are not superwoman. Set boundaries and be a lot more aggressive in terms of how much you're willing to put up with and pretty soon you'll develop an equal love for being a little "mean."

Also, channel your empathy into something actually helpful or tangible. Join or start an org, do activism about causes you're passionate about. Greta Thunberg is an autistic woman who developed severe depression after finding out about the climate crisis and instead of further moping she decided to actually protest.

As for the limerence, it stems from your childhood of being continuously rejected or neglected by caregivers or society and the combination of your trauma + your bad emotional regulation turn into you clinging onto your LO for a literal purpose to live. You want this person to be the one, your savior from yourself and the evil world who shuns you. If you plan on soon then if he keeps you alive it's probably not bad to not ditch it as a cope, but if you want to recover and not then learn to accept yourself and your issues and forgive yourself and become confident.

This was actually super helpful, thank you. You basically described me. I have very bad anger issues, and i cannot regulate my emotions. I get upset very easily, even if I know that the other person is not trying to hurt me, it does hurt like hell.
Thank you again, very helpful information!
I don't know if you have any experience about this, but can therapy help in any way to make me learn to regulate my emotions?
I've been to therapy for many years but I could never really speak about my true problems and it was not helpful at all. But maybe if i can find a great therapist?
I want to kill myself, but kinda try some things to not suffer this much because every second is pure hell.

 

[Manga]

Just venting. Why am I like this? just why...
I "fall in love" with every single human being who is a tiny bit nice to me. They broke my heart more times than i could ever explain. Now again... A random guy from a different country, who is CLEARLY super manipulative and he plays these power games with me... I know with my head that he is a toxic af person, but I check my phone every 2 minutes to see if he replied or not. My mood is fully dependent of people around me.

I hate that i care and love soo deeply. That's what I hate mostly about myself. And people say it's a really good thing and i've been told i'm one of the most caring people in the world and whatnot, but IT'S A FUCKING CURSE.

I still daydream about a guy who treated me like pure shit. I still want his validation. I still crave their love, their nice words, oh god what i would do for some nice words...

I fear that for the rest of my life (which is hopefully not too long) i will always search for their validation. I was neglected as a child in every way except food. I know this is the reason. But why am I so unlovable? It's like I have to move moutains just for someone to say "good job". idk at this point, i'm just a pathetic fucking waste of space it's incredible. I try so hard but i am unable to love or to even like myself. I am the most disgusting piece of shit, fat, ugly, bald, dumb, too much.
and i am slowly going insane, i'm not even myself anymore. who am i? i have no personality, it did not developed normally. i'm just a baby, i want to be held like a baby what is wrong with me
just venting idk at this point

Limerence is slowly killing my mind too
i relate

 

[amerie]

This was actually super helpful, thank you. You basically described me. I have very bad anger issues, and i cannot regulate my emotions. I get upset very easily, even if I know that the other person is not trying to hurt me, it does hurt like hell.
Thank you again, very helpful information!
I don't know if you have any experience about this, but can therapy help in any way to make me learn to regulate my emotions?
I've been to therapy for many years but I could never really speak about my true problems and it was not helpful at all. But maybe if i can find a great therapist?
I want to kill myself, but kinda try some things to not suffer this much because every second is pure hell.

Yes but be careful and try to avoid being diagnosed with anything cluster B if you already aren't unless it's really bad and you've tried EVERYTHING because a lot of therapists and people in psych will refuse to treat you or practice maltreatment.

A lot of the times it can just be C-PTSD, ADHD, or Autism that is presenting as a personality disorder so just try to ask for help without getting anything diagnosed on your record and advocate for yourself.