light psychosis

[58Alice85]

The first thing i hear in the morning after i open my eyes, before i can even form a thought of my own, are these wretched voices.
They do nothing but insult, mock and torment me the entire day. They comment on every single little thing i do.
I also get these mild hallucinations of bugs crawling on my skin, suddenly being touched, and sensations inside of my skull, like little worms are present behind my eyes.
Everything gets this bizarre shade of irreality, like i am living inside of a comic book or movie.
Everything takes tremendous mental strain, i can barely concentrate on anything before the voices interrupt my thoughts.
At night i get nightmares of being raped and murdered and wake up several times.
I do not trust psychiatrists and will never visit them.
This has been going on for a few months now. On another forum i lurk there were people who claimed to have been living with voices for more than 6 years, they say it never ever goes away.
Looks like this is the end for me, plan to ctb before the end of the year

 

[whybother2002]

I do not trust psychiatrists and will never visit them.

May I ask why?

 

[AltF4Mylife]

I'm also plan to ctb coz of psychosis.I had 4 psychosis episodes so far and it's horrible.

 

[bitterToad]

The first thing i hear in the morning after i open my eyes, before i can even form a thought of my own, are these wretched voices.
They do nothing but insult, mock and torment me the entire day. They comment on every single little thing i do.
I also get these mild hallucinations of bugs crawling on my skin, suddenly being touched, and sensations inside of my skull, like little worms are present behind my eyes.
Everything gets this bizarre shade of irreality, like i am living inside of a comic book or movie.
Everything takes tremendous mental strain, i can barely concentrate on anything before the voices interrupt my thoughts.
At night i get nightmares of being raped and murdered and wake up several times.
I do not trust psychiatrists and will never visit them.
This has been going on for a few months now. On another forum i lurk there were people who claimed to have been living with voices for more than 6 years, they say it never ever goes away.
Looks like this is the end for me, plan to ctb before the end of the year

I don't have Schizophrenia, that I know of, but I've had mild psychosis since I was small (4yo).

Same as you, the touching and the bugs, voices but not mean like yours, nightmares too, also cats for some reason. And scary things sometimes.

I found a safe family and home for a while, a genuinely safe space, after 2-3ish years almost all of the psychosis went away.

Now I only get voices or vision-blobs when I'm exhausted, but that dread-feeling related to these things went away completely.

I still have dread related to other things but not for these things. They are gone.

 

[58Alice85]

May I ask why?

I have heard too many horror stories of people's lives being ruined by psychiatric medication

 

[copioushopelessness]

I have heard too many horror stories of people's lives being ruined by psychiatric medication

I'm sorry and I know what you mean. Don't go on the meds. They are poison and make you feel worse.
I've heard of people trying to train the voices to be nice. There's only so much one can do but their meds make people unable to take care of themselves.
I hope you find peace. I hope we all do.

 

[AkaRed]

Honestly, while my experiences are nothing like yours- I can have basic empathy for your reasoning. Dealing with something like that every day must be truly exhausting and frustrating, and I do truly wish that you either find the peace you're looking for- or are able to find something that allows you to cope and live a normal life.
Sending much love <3

 

[58Alice85]

I'm also plan to ctb coz of psychosis.I had 4 psychosis episodes so far and it's horrible.

yeah i've been there into full-blown psychosis
spent a couple of days completely disoriented convinced i had already died and was living in hell
i think it is interesting how some people are able to somehow snap out of it while others end up getting committed in a mental institution for life

 

[58Alice85]

Honestly, while my experiences are nothing like yours- I can have basic empathy for your reasoning. Dealing with something like that every day must be truly exhausting and frustrating, and I do truly wish that you either find the peace you're looking for- or are able to find something that allows you to cope and live a normal life.
Sending much love <3

thank you

 

[AltF4Mylife]

I have heard too many horror stories of people's lives being ruined by psychiatric medication

True. I become super dumb after taking anti psychotics for 3 years.

 

[setspiritfree]

yeah i've been there into full-blown psychosis
spent a couple of days completely disoriented convinced i had already died and was living in hell
i think it is interesting how some people are able to somehow snap out of it while others end up getting committed in a mental institution for life

Yeah, I have been through this. I thought the government was talking to me through the TV. This was probably late 90's. I thought that I was chosen to be a great spiritual leader like a prophet or something because I had figured it out (the tv thing). I thought the government was out to get me but also some people were fighting to stop them. When I was riding down the road I thought that every vehicle was on one side or other. The funny thing is it didn't happen while I was using drugs, it happened while I stopped using drugs. I think it was such a shock to my mind and my body that it triggered temporary insanity.
I am going to add a little humor here. My mom and dad took me to the hospital (psych unit of course) and while I was checking in I thought there was a senator there who was trying to kill me. I don't know why. So I ran out of there and found my way down a staircase. Next thing you know I was running down the highway (not freeway) hollering, "call the news station, call fox six news." I ran into a Burger King and a lady was unlocking the other door, I ran up behind her and made some kind of "war cry" or whatever and I am sure I scared the shit out of her. But all I wanted was to get out the other door. I still feel for this lady. Lol. I went through the door running down the highway again and the police showed up. At first I started fighting them. I was in my late 20's and was in the best shape of my life. I honestly believe I could have taken them and got away from them because the adrenaline was running so hard. However, I didn't want to hurt them so I gave in. I told them that the government or some kind of secret organization was after me. I remember they actually kind of considered I was telling the truth because they were saying their radios were acting weird. It wasn't funny then but now I can kind of laugh at it because no one got hurt. They released me to my parents because I was going in the psych unit voluntarily. I guess they felt sorry for me. My parents did not know what to do. They must have called the hospital or something and I think they didn't want me back. Go figure. lol. Anyway, I remember they got me some prescription of Ativan that allowed me to get some rest and things got slowly better after that. There is more to this story but I have gone on long enough.

I don't think I have ever opened up about this to anyone. That is how much confidence and trust I have in this site and never met a one of you.

 

[58Alice85]

Yeah, I have been through this. I thought the government was talking to me through the TV. This was probably late 90's. I thought that I was chosen to be a great spiritual leader like a prophet or something because I had figured it out (the tv thing). I thought the government was out to get me but also some were fighting to stop them. When I was riding down the road I thought that every vehicle was on one side or other. The funny thing is it didn't happen while I was using drugs, it happened while I stopped using drugs. I think it was such a shock to my mind and my body that it triggered temporary insanity.
I am going to add a little humor here. My mom and dad took me to the hospital (psych unit of course) and while I was checking in I thought there was a senator there who was trying to kill me. I don't know why. So I ran out of there and found my way down a staircase. Next thing you know I was running down the highway (not freeway) hollering, "call the news station, call fox six news." I ran into a Burger King and a lady was unlocking the other door, I ran up behind her and made some kind of war cry or whatever and I am sure I scared the shit out of her but all I wanted was to get out the other door. I still feel for this lady. Lol. I went through the door running down the highway again and the police showed up. At first I started fighting them, I was in my late 20's and was in the best shape of my life. I honestly could have taken them and got away from them because the adrenaline was running so hard but I didn't want to hurt them so I gave in. I told them that the government or some kind of secret organization. I remember they actually kind of considered I was telling the truth because they were saying their radios were acting weird. It wasn't funny then but now I can kind of laugh at it because no one got hurt. They released me to my parents because I was going in the psych unit voluntarily. I guess they felt sorry for me. My parents did not know what to do. They must have called the hospital or something and I think they didn't want me back. Go figure. lol. Anyway, I remember they got me some prescription of Ativan that allowed me to get some rest and things got slowly better after that. There is more to this story but I have gone on long enough.

Exact same themes as my psychosis. I was going to be the 26th Angel "Herbitch" , everyone in the government was mind-controlled by Satan, Satan was physically hiding behind people's right eyes (all this one-eye blind symbolism you see everywhere), I would somehow fight demons or something.
I hate this as I take my religion seriously, it's like someone is messing with your head but from within.

 

[setspiritfree]

Exact same themes as my psychosis. I was going to be the 26th Angel "Herbitch" , everyone in the government was mind-controlled by Satan, Satan was physically hiding behind people's right eyes (all this one-eye blind symbolism you see everywhere), I would somehow fight demons or something.
I hate this as I take my religion seriously, it's like someone is messing with your head but from within.

Oh wow! I almost didn't post this because i thought everyone would think, well you know. I hate you had to go through that but I am glad we have a place where we can share our experiences. I hear you on the one eye blind thing. It makes you wonder if there isn't a certain amount of truth to it all. I just started following you btw

 

[Ashu]

I'm sorry and I know what you mean. Don't go on the meds. They are poison and make you feel worse.
I've heard of people trying to train the voices to be nice. There's only so much one can do but their meds make people unable to take care of themselves.
I hope you find peace. I hope we all do.

Yes, there are newer cognitive therapies to help people begin to talk and negotiate with and live with the voices. It's a radically different approach from psychiatry, it's sufferer-centred. Not saying it's easy, but it does save lives and bring peace and consolation. The psychiatrists are reptiles and their drugs are poison. Still, if you can't avoid them, if it's a temporary, provisional choice between them and death, then approach them with extreme skepticism, and with a big stick.

True. I become super dumb after taking anti psychotics for 3 years.

And they can ravage your body and mind, and destroy your sexuality.