Spite
Forever Friendless
- Aug 20, 2025
- 61
Today, I have been reminded yet again that to live is to suffer.
I can't disclose here exactly what I create, but I am an artist and I have been creating art and posting it online for about a year now. I've always been very obscure and my works don't get much viewership. Last night, I actually had something good happen to me for once. I happened to get lucky and somebody found my art and decided to promote it. I gained a number of new followers, Likes, and some people left some very nice comments for me. Seeing all of this made me feel a genuine happiness that I haven't felt in a long time.
I woke up this morning in a good mood, and I honestly can't remember the last time I ever sprung out of bed and started the day feeling positive and hopeful.
Anyways, I went to work, got into my usual routine and did what I always do every day. I'm a courier - I deliver parcels all day to people who do online shopping from their homes. Today a few hours into my shift, I arrived at a house and as soon as I arrived, a man standing outside started raising his voice at me. At the same time, a loud garbage truck happened to be passing by, so I couldn't even understand what he was saying. I felt very intimidated by him so I quickly waved at him, dropped the parcel off, then I turned around and started walking away. As I was walking back to my vehicle, all I could hear him say was "Yeah keep walking the whole fucking distance you piece of shit". I genuinely have no idea what he was talking about and I don't even know what I did to warrant such angry and abusive words directed towards me.
As I drove away I started crying, and, well, my whole day was effectively ruined, and now I'm back to my miserable self again. I don't even feel like continuing with my art and I'm not in mood to create anything anymore.
My point is that what happened today is basically a summary of my entire life - whenever I start to feel happy, whenever I start to lighten up and feel a sense of hope, life almost immediately shoves me back down. In recent years I have even started to have anxiety on the rare occasions when something good happens to me because I just know that my happiness won't last long before something comes along and ruins everything. In this instance, my happiness didn't even last a full 24 hours. But that's just life isn't it?
Happiness is only fleeting and temporary. Pain and suffering is 100% guaranteed, ALWAYS.
I can't disclose here exactly what I create, but I am an artist and I have been creating art and posting it online for about a year now. I've always been very obscure and my works don't get much viewership. Last night, I actually had something good happen to me for once. I happened to get lucky and somebody found my art and decided to promote it. I gained a number of new followers, Likes, and some people left some very nice comments for me. Seeing all of this made me feel a genuine happiness that I haven't felt in a long time.
I woke up this morning in a good mood, and I honestly can't remember the last time I ever sprung out of bed and started the day feeling positive and hopeful.
Anyways, I went to work, got into my usual routine and did what I always do every day. I'm a courier - I deliver parcels all day to people who do online shopping from their homes. Today a few hours into my shift, I arrived at a house and as soon as I arrived, a man standing outside started raising his voice at me. At the same time, a loud garbage truck happened to be passing by, so I couldn't even understand what he was saying. I felt very intimidated by him so I quickly waved at him, dropped the parcel off, then I turned around and started walking away. As I was walking back to my vehicle, all I could hear him say was "Yeah keep walking the whole fucking distance you piece of shit". I genuinely have no idea what he was talking about and I don't even know what I did to warrant such angry and abusive words directed towards me.
As I drove away I started crying, and, well, my whole day was effectively ruined, and now I'm back to my miserable self again. I don't even feel like continuing with my art and I'm not in mood to create anything anymore.
My point is that what happened today is basically a summary of my entire life - whenever I start to feel happy, whenever I start to lighten up and feel a sense of hope, life almost immediately shoves me back down. In recent years I have even started to have anxiety on the rare occasions when something good happens to me because I just know that my happiness won't last long before something comes along and ruins everything. In this instance, my happiness didn't even last a full 24 hours. But that's just life isn't it?
Happiness is only fleeting and temporary. Pain and suffering is 100% guaranteed, ALWAYS.
