ImpairedLowlife
Empty and hollow
- Aug 3, 2020
- 369
Once again, hello SS. I used to be pretty suicidal, but things became better and some people greatly helped me. I even wrote a post about temporarily leaving this forum, because I felt generally better.
But what now? I'm slowly returning to the state of inertly waiting for death.
I honestly gave up on everything. I am not even trying to improve myself in any way. I'm not learning anything new. Not getting any new skills or friends. I honestly became so inert. And I don't even mind it(?)
I'm struggling at school (I wasted 4 years of education in other county so now I have to go to school again) I don't know what subjects should I do on the last exam that
determines which university I can go to. I don't know what should I study because I don't even know what job do I want.
Also I'm extremely anti social. I used to have really bad social anxiety, but it got better. However I just don't feel like I want to be in public places anymore. I'm not afraid of people, I'm more disguised and disappointed now. I'm quite sure the only time I will leave my flat is buying food and take out the trash.
Even if I manage to finish education, I see no point in it all. My life is gonna be studying, then working and sleeping, spending time next to my pc, crying about old good times when I was actually happy, selfharming and waiting for death. For all my life.
What's the difference between life like this and the death? I don't see a lot of...
But what now? I'm slowly returning to the state of inertly waiting for death.
I honestly gave up on everything. I am not even trying to improve myself in any way. I'm not learning anything new. Not getting any new skills or friends. I honestly became so inert. And I don't even mind it(?)
I'm struggling at school (I wasted 4 years of education in other county so now I have to go to school again) I don't know what subjects should I do on the last exam that
determines which university I can go to. I don't know what should I study because I don't even know what job do I want.
Also I'm extremely anti social. I used to have really bad social anxiety, but it got better. However I just don't feel like I want to be in public places anymore. I'm not afraid of people, I'm more disguised and disappointed now. I'm quite sure the only time I will leave my flat is buying food and take out the trash.
Even if I manage to finish education, I see no point in it all. My life is gonna be studying, then working and sleeping, spending time next to my pc, crying about old good times when I was actually happy, selfharming and waiting for death. For all my life.
What's the difference between life like this and the death? I don't see a lot of...
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