been really tired of mulling it over but i think i have to soon unfortunately. i've learned too late that nothing will change for the better and i'm not set to witness miracles which is why i can't be bothered to throw in an "unless". its weirdly peaceful but stressful and sad. i have items coming in the mail i've been looking forward to that now mean nothing but i'll still hate to have to part with immediately. i'll hope that the next time i'm able i can see if the method is still readily available for me
i think more than anything , more than whatever anyone can say to try to hurt me or drive me away most of all i dread that i'm all alone in this, and that i really tried
i don't really want to part with life itself so it's a shame. but it's moreso these circumstances that i can't handle and can't just keep hiding from and coping else i spend my lonesome days crying pathetically
it just keeps getting worse in my head. the worst part about all of this is that so many people will celebrate my death. i'll never have gone understood or heard. i'm so horrified for my loved one. i don't ever wish for a world where my deceased lover's passing is ridiculed
i've always had a sort of delusion, or maybe it's true, that i'm not real at all and just a figment of imagination to those close to me or some sort of imaginary friend only visible to the clairvoyant. funnily enough however it seems like the only thing that breaks that belief is when i'm a subject of humiliation. i used to think all attention was good attention but now i just want to be at peace. i haven't felt what a normal, healthy human interaction is like in quite a bit and don't think i'll be alive to
i don't think anyone is going to miss me
i think i'm going to die never feeling the embrace of community nor love itself
i think more than anything , more than whatever anyone can say to try to hurt me or drive me away most of all i dread that i'm all alone in this, and that i really tried
i don't really want to part with life itself so it's a shame. but it's moreso these circumstances that i can't handle and can't just keep hiding from and coping else i spend my lonesome days crying pathetically
it just keeps getting worse in my head. the worst part about all of this is that so many people will celebrate my death. i'll never have gone understood or heard. i'm so horrified for my loved one. i don't ever wish for a world where my deceased lover's passing is ridiculed
i've always had a sort of delusion, or maybe it's true, that i'm not real at all and just a figment of imagination to those close to me or some sort of imaginary friend only visible to the clairvoyant. funnily enough however it seems like the only thing that breaks that belief is when i'm a subject of humiliation. i used to think all attention was good attention but now i just want to be at peace. i haven't felt what a normal, healthy human interaction is like in quite a bit and don't think i'll be alive to
i don't think anyone is going to miss me
i think i'm going to die never feeling the embrace of community nor love itself
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