Leaving Tomorrow

[citrusfruit]

I'm finally going to end my suffering tomorrow. I'm going to try partial suspension and if si proves to be too great i'll do full. my setup is compatible with both. i've used it in the past for partial and managed to go unconscious for a short period of time before waking up and freaking out.

I don't know what time i'll do it. my window is from 12 pm - 6 pm while my partner is at work.

this is the note i'm planning on leaving him

"i don't want to have to do this but i cant keep living like this.
this is my only option.

i never wanted to live this long and im sorry if i lead you on to think that we would be able to have a life together. these past years have been the absolute best of my life and i have you to thank for it.
please only think of the good times we shared, and i hope you are able to move on quickly.

i'm so sorry im leaving you like this

i love you and im sorry"


I just can't continue like this anymore. it's a constant struggle to just make it through one more day. I ghosted my job on a whim, it was at the point where i was considering suicide every single night so i wouldn't have to go back in. i was experiencing what some could consider bullying in the workplace, management and staff were all aware but nobody said or did anything about it.
i quit because i thought my life and wellbeing were more important than some fuck ass job, but now that i have to face the current job market again , i don't think i could ever go back to work. i'm running out of funds fast and disability for mental illness requires you to be unable to work for an entire year. i can't afford to live that long without some form of income. id die from being homeless or starving so i think its best i just end it all now.

i'm very scared tonight. i'm scared that it wont work and that i'll have to dig myself out of this hole i put myself in. and im scared of it working and leaving my partner behind. but as i said i do not have a choice in the matter. this has to be done
i have a fifth of vodka and a months worth of trazodone. i was thinking the combination of the two could help ease some of the si
he's sleeping right next to me as i write this and all i can think about is how he'll react coming home from work and finding me.

 

[.koocain]

i totally understand your pain but if u truly loved ur partner you wouldnt want to leave them, rethink ur decision and maybe try finding even one reason to stay, hope you get better

 

[whywere]

Peace, love and hugs to you.

Always around if anything changes.

Walter

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

I think if you feel guilty about it, you should probably at least speak to your partner about it or break it off beforehand. A clean break sort of thing. Your partner does not deserve to carry guilt the rest of their lives.

Before you go, think if you truly want to miss out on listening your favorite songs, eating your favorite fruit, watching your favorite tv show, hearing the ones you love laugh. I'm sure you've got a bucket list of things you'd like to accomplish, maybe check a few off and see where you're at afterwards. You owe it to yourself. You've got to go out there and take it sometimes. I mean , really, you have nothing else to lose. You might as well get something out of this life.

 

[Namelesa]

Whatever you choose and whatever happens, I hope you can escape the pain you are in, one way or another.

I will say to maybe add to your note to call the police or whoever and make the note visible before they able to see you so they don't have to see your body and the police can fully handle it themselves.

 

[citrusfruit]

i totally understand your pain but if u truly loved ur partner you wouldnt want to leave them, rethink ur decision and maybe try finding even one reason to stay, hope you get better

i do love him. you don't know me, my relationship, or my situation.

I think if you feel guilty about it, you should probably at least speak to your partner about it or break it off beforehand. A clean break sort of thing. Your partner does not deserve to carry guilt the rest of their lives.

Before you go, think if you truly want to miss out on listening your favorite songs, eating your favorite fruit, watching your favorite tv show, hearing the ones you love laugh. I'm sure you've got a bucket list of things you'd like to accomplish, maybe check a few off and see where you're at afterwards. You owe it to yourself. You've got to go out there and take it sometimes. I mean , really, you have nothing else to lose. You might as well get something out of this life.

it's complicated.

i have fully thought out my decision. it's one that i've wanted to make for over a decade. i'm fully at my wits ends no amount of therapy or medication can help me.

as for regrets. i've decided i have none. nothing in my life (music games tv food) is worth it.

my partner leaves the house every day worrying about if im going to be there when he comes back. And i have tried. Lord knows i have tried as hard as i possibly can to be better For Him. i feel like. once i end my suffering his could end too.

 

[Lyn]

I'm finally going to end my suffering tomorrow. I'm going to try partial suspension and if si proves to be too great i'll do full. my setup is compatible with both. i've used it in the past for partial and managed to go unconscious for a short period of time before waking up and freaking out.

I don't know what time i'll do it. my window is from 12 pm - 6 pm while my partner is at work.

this is the note i'm planning on leaving him

"i don't want to have to do this but i cant keep living like this.
this is my only option.

i never wanted to live this long and im sorry if i lead you on to think that we would be able to have a life together. these past years have been the absolute best of my life and i have you to thank for it.
please only think of the good times we shared, and i hope you are able to move on quickly.

i'm so sorry im leaving you like this

i love you and im sorry"


I just can't continue like this anymore. it's a constant struggle to just make it through one more day. I ghosted my job on a whim, it was at the point where i was considering suicide every single night so i wouldn't have to go back in. i was experiencing what some could consider bullying in the workplace, management and staff were all aware but nobody said or did anything about it.
i quit because i thought my life and wellbeing were more important than some fuck ass job, but now that i have to face the current job market again , i don't think i could ever go back to work. i'm running out of funds fast and disability for mental illness requires you to be unable to work for an entire year. i can't afford to live that long without some form of income. id die from being homeless or starving so i think its best i just end it all now.

i'm very scared tonight. i'm scared that it wont work and that i'll have to dig myself out of this hole i put myself in. and im scared of it working and leaving my partner behind. but as i said i do not have a choice in the matter. this has to be done
i have a fifth of vodka and a months worth of trazodone. i was thinking the combination of the two could help ease some of the si
he's sleeping right next to me as i write this and all i can think about is how he'll react coming home from work and finding me.

It's always so heartbreaking to see someone ready to leave, leaving their partner behind.

Because I do understand that feelings, as I'm about to do the same to my partner.

I just hope you're completely sure and have exausted all possible options. .

Wish you piece either way and sending hugs.

 

[citrusfruit]

another note on our relationship. we are not monogamous. he has other people with whom he is more committed to than me. he won't be left alone.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

i do love him. you don't know me, my relationship, or my situation.

it's complicated.

i have fully thought out my decision. it's one that i've wanted to make for over a decade. i'm fully at my wits ends no amount of therapy or medication can help me.

as for regrets. i've decided i have none. nothing in my life (music games tv food) is worth it.

my partner leaves the house every day worrying about if im going to be there when he comes back. And i have tried. Lord knows i have tried as hard as i possibly can to be better For Him. i feel like. once i end my suffering his could end too.

There's nothing I can do to possibly stop you but remind you of the few brief moments of happiness sprinkled inbetween the misery.

I'm here to listen otherwise.

another note on our relationship. we are not monogamous. he has other people with whom he is more committed to than me. he won't be left alone.

Honestly? That might be part of the issue. The feeling of being wanted is so powerful. If it's fragmented, it can make you feel less than worth it.

You deserve better. I'm sorry.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[Alexandra_]

I am very sorry that you have to go through such suffering. I hug and wish you all the best

 

[Leyna]

I hope you find peace