Help Leaving partners

[Breadbfra]

Anyone here leaving partners?
I was just wondering what to do. I've been slowly pushing my girlfriend away and told her repeatedly to find someone else and replace me but it's a bit hard you know.
I want to have her prepared but don't know how.
Thanks.

 

[Forveleth]

That is honestly the worst thing to do to someone. I had a boyfriend do this to me once and I just wish he would have cut me loose. I did not understand why he was suddenly being so distant and I thought I was doing something wrong in the relationship. I was puzzled and felt bad for weeks until he finally just came out with it and broke up with me.

Pushing her away will not make her more "prepared". I have seen a lot of interviews from loved ones left behind after a suicide. Many times they will say something like "they had started being so distant lately, I should have known." It is not going to make her feel better, if anything it might make her feel worse as she could blame herself for not reaching out to you when you clearly were struggling.

If you truly want her to move on without you, cut her loose and let her move on.

 

[Breadbfra]

That is honestly the worst thing to do to someone. I had a boyfriend do this to me once and I just wish he would have cut me loose. I did not understand why he was suddenly being so distant and I thought I was doing something wrong in the relationship. I was puzzled and felt bad for weeks until he finally just came out with it and broke up with me.

Pushing her away will not make her more "prepared". I have seen a lot of interviews from loved ones left behind after a suicide. Many times they will say something like "they had started being so distant lately, I should have known." It is not going to make her feel better, if anything it might make her feel worse as she could blame herself for not reaching out to you when you clearly were struggling.

If you truly want her to move on without you, cut her loose and let her move on.

Should i straight up break up with her?

 

[Forveleth]

Should i straight up break up with her?

I am going to phrase this another way. Being an asshole to her in order to soften the blow of your suicide does not actually work. So, you either treat her right, up until the point you kill yourself, or you break up with her and let her find happiness elsewhere. Right now you are keeping her in relationship limbo which is not a nice thing to do.

I can not tell you which choice to make as it is your relationship, not mine. I am just telling you as someone who was the one being pushed away, I really wish he would have had the courtesy to just end it.

 

[3ngel]

im sorry for this question... why are u breaking up with her? is there any specific reason?

 

[encore]

best thing you can do is be honest. completely honest. unless it sabotages your plans, in which case, be as honest as you can without putting yourself at risk.

losing a partner to suicide is bad enough, it's even worse when you feel lied to/pushed away/like you could've done more if only you saw through it in addition to grief.

 

[Pipsqueak!]

You should probably just break up with her, I honestly think pushing her away would do the opposite of what you're trying to accomplish.

 

[Subhumano]

Ive never had a partner

 

[other-ghost]

I'm planning to break up with her once my CTB date is close. But right now, i'm just trying to be as honest as i could while making sure that what she knows isn't enough to sabotage my plan.

So i'd say, if you're settled, better to break up with them first. It hurts to do that, but it's better than anything else, imo.

 

[Breadbfra]

You have a GF who loves you?
But you want to die?
WTF is wrong with you?

Are you for real or just dumb enough not to understand having a 14 years old incurable depression?

 

[Stan Swiftie]

Are you for real or just dumb enough not to understand having a 14 years old incurable depression?

32 years incurable severe depression
22 1/2 years forever alone & miserable in my pointless pathetic existence.
Get on meds & get therapy.
Make love to your GF.
Appreciate her.

 

[lucyanne]

You have a GF who loves you?
But you want to die?
WTF is wrong with you?

I have a wife i love, you think only single people want out of life?

 

[Dot]

You have a GF who loves you?
But you want to die?
WTF is wrong with you?

Havng a rlatnshp mght fx thngs fr u bt = ds nt fx thngs fr evry1 els

Slf hd an amazng rlatnshp bt tht ws nt enuf 2 fx slf own mentl helth issus or prevntng slf escala8tng epsdes whch brght slf 2 SaSu

 

[getoutgirl]

32 years incurable severe depression
22 1/2 years forever alone & miserable in my pointless pathetic existence.
Get on meds & get therapy.
Make love to your GF.
Appreciate her.

This is not some depression olympics dude. I'm sorry you went through that, and that in all those years you have not learned that having a GF is not the magical cure to depression. That's dumb advice and not appreciated.

As for OP, I'm sorry you are in that position. There is no perfect way to minimize the damage. Like some say, only If you are really set on on following through, then directness and breaking up could be better than pushing her away or those other tactics, I wish they could work and I get why you wish that too but they don't. Whatever you do it'd be hard and painful, and I feel you. Lots of hugs <3

 

[Breadbfra]

32 years incurable severe depression
22 1/2 years forever alone & miserable in my pointless pathetic existence.
Get on meds & get therapy.
Make love to your GF.
Appreciate her.

11 years in therapy.
Tried every medication existant, I took every drug I could took.
Tried rTMS, tried rTDCS.
I've been the first minor to undergo ketamine IV treatments in Europe in 2016 and I"ve been under ket treatments for almost 9 years and nothing seems to help.
They refused ECT due to young age.
Believe me when I say I tried EVERYTHING. It's just an endless cycle of treatment - small bits of happiness - ketamine stops working - treatments again (550€ each per three times). All of this Every 6 months.