Help Learning to accept self harm scars?

[Sphinxi]

I have grotesque and abundant self harm scars across my body. My arms, hands, shoulders, chest, stomach, legs, and face are covered in scarring. It makes it hard to go out in public. People often stare at my face scars, and it's seemingly impossible to not be self conscious of this. I present openly that I am a basket case to everybody that I interact with because of my scars. Every person will see a body that is frail, ghastly thin, and visibly damaged beyond repair. Scar removal isn't an option, as my scars are too dense in number.

Despite the insecurity, I oddly like my scars, although I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror.

How do I go about coping with this? Do I just have to accept that my scars will degrade my quality of life?

 

[InevitableDeath]

You just get used to them. You can wear them like badges of honour, like tribespeople.

I had a shrivelled old teacher once, she was hideous to look at but, I thought, lovely on the inside.

Sad thing was, twenty years later she proved to be a spiteful snob cunt.

But I thought she looked great.

You never stop learning though. There's not much quality of life amongst skanks.

 

[timf]

You could go with humor;

There was a terrible accident when I was small with a jar of Gerber's baby food. Just as I was opening the microwave...

You could go with pity;

My parents made me ride in the trunk whenever we drove any where. Sadly, once, the last stop we made was to by a bag of razor blades.

You could go with an approximation of truth;

There was a period of time in my life when I felt the only control I had was cutting. Thankfully that time is past.

 

[Sphinxi]

You could go with humor;

There was a terrible accident when I was small with a jar of Gerber's baby food. Just as I was opening the microwave...

You could go with pity;

My parents made me ride in the trunk whenever we drove any where. Sadly, once, the last stop we made was to by a bag of razor blades.

You could go with an approximation of truth;

There was a period of time in my life when I felt the only control I had was cutting. Thankfully that time is past.

These all work as a response to an inquiry about my scars, but the problem is that they are so obvious and numerous that people know that I am a deeply troubled cutter without even interacting with me. I can't walk around with a sign that has some excuse as to why I look deformed.

 

[timf]

I once worked with a guy who had a birth mark on half his face. When you first met him it was a very striking feature. After two weeks you really did not notice it.

 

[weeping<3willow]

i have sh scars but they are very thin and pathetic. i look like such an attention whore everywhere i go. tbh i never notice people looking at them, but i suck at eye contact anyways so i wouldn't know.

normies usually go two routes with the scars: complete absent of comment or acknowledgement, or Infantilization you to make you "feel comfortable" or whatever.

i've had my scars for ten years now. at this point i don't ever think about it until i see it, followed by a brief moment of embarrassment. but, for the most part, it passes pretty quickly now-a-days.

i would say just wear long sleeves when you want, if the physical presence of them becomes overwhelming, if not, just remember, people are terrified of you noticing them looking at them, so for the most part, it kinda gives u some power. don't be insecure, feel powerful. that's kinda fucked up? i don't know, that's why i'm on this fucking forum.

 

[likeblueberries]

I have grotesque and abundant self harm scars across my body. My arms, hands, shoulders, chest, stomach, legs, and face are covered in scarring. It makes it hard to go out in public. People often stare at my face scars, and it's seemingly impossible to not be self conscious of this. I present openly that I am a basket case to everybody that I interact with because of my scars. Every person will see a body that is frail, ghastly thin, and visibly damaged beyond repair. Scar removal isn't an option, as my scars are too dense in number.

Despite the insecurity, I oddly like my scars, although I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror.

How do I go about coping with this? Do I just have to accept that my scars will degrade my quality of life?

Normies will never understand. I can't say I relate to your experience because I only cut for like 2-3 years and my scars faded but I feel a weird sense of kinship when I see someone with SH scars or someone who's obviously trying to cover them, it's not like I go out of my way to befriend them but I always feel like I can smile more genuinely at them.

Sadly there are many jobs you simply won't have access to and the average person sees SH as something only freaks do, but you can surround yourself with people who won't judge you for your scars, it's more common than you think. Maybe you could also move to a colder place where you can wear more layers and secretly cover your scars.

If you have recognized it is a problem and can't look in the mirror, then it is also best that you try hard to avoid cutting again.

 

[aRose]

I got all mine covered with tattoos. Well, most. I guess I won't get to finish my left leg. But those scars are barely noticeable so they haven't been priority

 

[Sphinxi]

Normies will never understand. I can't say I relate to your experience because I only cut for like 2-3 years and my scars faded but I feel a weird sense of kinship when I see someone with SH scars or someone who's obviously trying to cover them, it's not like I go out of my way to befriend them but I always feel like I can smile more genuinely at them.

Sadly there are many jobs you simply won't have access to and the average person sees SH as something only freaks do, but you can surround yourself with people who won't judge you for your scars, it's more common than you think. Maybe you could also move to a colder place where you can wear more layers and secretly cover your scars.

If you have recognized it is a problem and can't look in the mirror, then it is also best that you try hard to avoid cutting again.

Thank you for the reply. I like the sympathy that you get from people. I think that this is a reason as to why I self harm. I hate the scars, but I also really like them? I like that my body is in a humiliated state, and I like people seeing that I am damaged. I don't think I will ever be able to stop, even if I hate it.

I got all mine covered with tattoos. Well, most. I guess I won't get to finish my left leg. But those scars are barely noticeable so they haven't been priority

That sounds cool :) unfortunately, tattoos are against my religion, and I would have to cover most of my body, including my face in tattoos.

i would say just wear long sleeves when you want, if the physical presence of them becomes overwhelming

I don't think I have worn short sleeves in years, but the scars are visible on my hands and on my face, so this doesn't completely avoid it for me

 

[author]

All scars do fade with time. Mine have, for sure. Personally I like my scars, but I understand disliking how others react to them or treat them.

If my scars are fresh, I usually hide them with arm warmers or thin long sleeve shirts. However, even if I show my scars, I don't usually get comments on them. Sometimes people will look and pity me, but rarely does it go beyond that. Because of the way I cut, I usually just say "I volunteer to help feral cats and they scratch sometimes". That, or "none of your business" because that's genuinely a valid response. You don't owe anyone information on your injuries.

As for accepting them, I think it's the same with scars fading; it just takes time. Despite the shame you might feel from others' reactions, there's really nothing to be ashamed of about having scars. The best thing you can do for yourself is getting to a point where you can stop caring about other people and be happy with how you look on your own terms - scars included. At the end of the day it's your body, not theirs, so their opinion isn't really important. Easier said than done, but it's what I'm trying to do for myself.

Hope that helps.