Knowing you blew it

[OnMyLast Legs]

I look back at the opportunities I had, the situations I was in, the hands up extended to me, and I want to die. It's so painful to recognize that you were set up for a good life.

How obnoxious was my speech. How cowardly my actions. I knew better! There were other paths available! I lowered myself so much for no damn reason. Instead of a life of achievement it was a life of doomscrolling, consuming media, using drugs, and jacking off.

I think this psychologist Roy Baumeister has it right (Google it). Suicide as an escape from aversive self-awareness. Failure to meet standards and unconsciousness the goal. Seems obvious but that's it. I can still sleep and I love it. I wake up in horror.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

exactly how i feel about my own situation right now. i had so much potential and i just blew it. it's like i was hanging on a cliff and instead of reaching out to those who tried to help (or "help", most of the time), i chose to let go and fall into the abyss.

i was studying to become a future doc and now here i am: a highschool dropout, broke, and still living with family. i hardly contribute to helping around the house, even. i just bedrot all day waiting for the day i'll finally die.

i guess that's how it works.

 

[an_alias]

i can relate... for me my suicide ideation isn't motivated by emotion and viscerality as much as sheer knowing; logic. I know that my life won't get meaningfully better; I know that I can't dig myself out of my current situation; I know that I either suffer this or I just get out.

also nice Talking Heads pfp! had that album on today and was playing an obscene amount of air guitar while listening to Burning Down the House ^^

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

@an_alias lotta taste on this board ^_^ sadly all the good music in the world isn't gonna help me