Discussion Killing yourself to avoid the future.

[Forever Sleep]

I think a big part of my wanting to CTB is just to avoid the future. I'm so tired of worrying about it. There's absolutely no way I'm ever going to be financially prepared for old age. I'll have no family or friends that I'm in regular contact with by then. Plus- there's going to be the inevitable decline in health eventually. Why would I put myself through all that- just to 'achieve' a natural death?!!

Of course- I realise there is the pro-life argument that I don't know my own future. That things could actually be ok. They could even improve if I put a bunch of effort into it- but- bottomline is- I can't really be bothered!

I just feel this enormous relief when I think I might spare myself all that- that I don't have to worry about trying to succeed now. I don't have to worry about saving up for my retirement. I just need to tread water as best I can for now to try and prevent myself from becoming a financial drain on my family until my Dad goes- and then- hopefully, I can follow him.

It's weird because I HAVE had deeply unhappy periods in my life. Where I was DESPERATE to end things. They still flare up now and again but overall- it's more of a calm intention. There's not that much sad about it. The actual act scares me but the thought of achieving it brings me a massive sense of relief. I simply don't want to play this ridiculous capitalist/consumerist game anymore.

It's funny really because I imagine most 'normies' who picture a suicidal person likely (I imagine) picture someone in a manic state. I wonder just how many of us are though. Maybe we need to be to some extent to make ourselves do it but I hope I can remain calm and decisive about it till the end.

How about you? Just how much of your motivation to CTB is influenced by the fear of the future- rather than current trauma/circumstances?

 

[hopeless302]

past, present, future... I wanna escape it all.

 

[MissionSucksAssFul]

i was always feeling tortured by my deppression (classics like not fitting in anywhere, feeling abandoned by everyone, wanting to feel at least some connection, etc etc...) but when I finally decided I was gonna ctb I felt such a wave of calm wash over me! I was no longer beholden to anyones standards or expectations! I... was free... for the first time :)

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Suicide as a preventative measure happened a lot through-out history, with all the cyanide pills people were swallowing to avoid interrogations / torture / prison. I think that old-age can be a prison / form of torture of its own, so trying to avoid it is a valid reason.

 

[Traveler VII]

It's weird because I HAVE had deeply unhappy periods in my life. Where I was DESPERATE to end things. They still flare up now and again but overall- it's more of a calm intention. There's not that much sad about it. The actual act scares me but the thought of achieving it brings me a massive sense of relief. I simply don't want to play this ridiculous capitalist/consumerist game anymore.

It's funny really because I imagine most 'normies' who picture a suicidal person likely (I imagine) picture someone in a manic state. I wonder just how many of us are though. Maybe we need to be to some extent to make ourselves do it but I hope I can remain calm and decisive about it till the end.

To be certain, your reasoning and temperament regarding suicidal intent mirrors that of others here, including my own.

A rational, lucid person can choose to end their life, all while never displaying any of the frenzied behaviors that might be associated with such thoughts.

For the truly observant, exhaustion with this life and the systems therein are impetus enough for suicidal ideation.

 

[aubrey!]

As they once said -

I hate worrying about the future cause all my current problems are based around the past.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

My friend who is as normal and neurotypical as it goes told me she didn't want to turn 31 soon. I definitely don't want to either....and I'm not going to. Aging is tough for everyone but when your life is fundamentally broken you can't weather it as well.

 

[cogmachine]

aging is a horrible concept. at that point it's expected of you to barely socialize and settle down with your family, and then slowly rot as your health problems build up. i don't understand why people love going out with a whimper like that.

 

[Homo erectus]

The present world is really sick and narrow. Genetically human is suitable for many different lifestyles, personalities, diets, shapes and sizes. But modern societies force people to be "normal", living in similar homes, having similar education, speaking similar languages, work in similar boring, repetitive jobs, eating similar junk foods, having similar weight, body shape, blood pressure, heart rates, cholesterol, hobbies, habits and so on. Everywhere people seem to be given 2 or 3 choices, but they are actually all the same. They don't let people who admit to be unsuitable for this world die. Yet they kill people who don't want to die.

 

[ireallylikemangoes]

I have an innate lack of acknowledgment of my future because I know it just won't happen, I don't worry about finishing higher education and getting a good job because there won't be a future where I need a good job, I'd just ctb

 

[Euthanza]

I can't imagine to live my life beyond 50; Alone and lonely, financially drained in consumerism and anxiety to even think about 10k diseases out there (ICD-9) or 70k diseases according to ICD tenth revisions but only 500 scientific treatments (rarely a cure), ughhh big no no... I can't even enjoy holiday without huge of financial take, life's boring and hard, wonder why everyone's clinging to such abusive world.

Even at 44 now is already 16 years 'hard' bonus for me and my surrounding. I need to make it max 3 years to go and I will, I won't fail again.

 

[Homo erectus]

I can't imagine to live my life beyond 50; Alone and lonely, financially drained in consumerism and anxiety to even think about 10k diseases out there (ICD-9) or 70k diseases according to ICD tenth revisions but only 500 scientific treatments (rarely a cure), ughhh big no no... I can't even enjoy holiday without huge of financial take, life's boring and hard, wonder why everyone's clinging to such abusive world.

Even at 44 now is already 16 years 'hard' bonus for me and my surrounding. I need to make it max 3 years to go and I will, I won't fail again.

Modern medicine is a fetish. Human has survived at least 200,000 years without modern medicine. Alongside farming, antibiotics have contributed much to the current overpopulated and overcrowded human disaster. Humans are not different from the poultry and cattle in high-density farms which also rely heavily on antibiotics.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course I very much wish to be free from more years spent here, just thinking of the fact that existence can go on for decades longer really is something so horrible to me and best avoided. For me wanting suicide is a logical reaction to life in itself, this futile process where chance so cruelly determines everything could never be worth enduring, and I have awareness to recognise that existence is something so harmful, filled with risks and potential for much worse suffering.

I could never be delusional enough to want to exist in this world filled with uncertainty where all that we are destined for is to suffer, deteriorate and die, all that is inevitable in life is decay and loss. I certainly do consider existence as being an undeserved punishment, nobody deserves to be burdened with this curse that leads to nothing and nowhere apart from something so horrific as old age. The thought of old age absolutely disgusts me and repulses me, simply being aware of this reality makes the thought of non existence sound so incredibly appealing, I see it as always being preferable to cease existing as there are no disadvantages to being dead.

 

[marudekinoumitai]

Lately when I've thought about the future, I just get so tired. I can barely do anything most days and even video games feel like too much effort, but people are telling me I need to apply for job after job after job and then beg some hiring manager to like me just so I can go into an office and do meaningless work every day for the next 40 years, all while watching other people find love and happiness? No thanks. I'd rather get out now.

 

[disabledlife]

This thought is all the more true since I was diagnosed with incurable and progressive illnesses. I risk being in a wheelchair, gradually gaining all my strength. I had a terrible childhood, I'm always alone, rejected (see the different topics I've posted all over SaSu), always tired, poor, with the only income being a disability allowance, as meager as small pensions. I spend my whole life going around in circles at home, surrounded by bad neighbors. I'm afraid of ending up in medical institutes, which are very expensive. I see my body rotting slowly and the fear of old age haunts me. As soon as everything is ready (storage at home, steps for after death, etc.), I am CTB or will benefit from an MVA in Switzerland! The pro-lifers are torturers, profiteers of misery, because a weak person is a source of money for these demons, easy-to-handle sheep.

 

[TAW122]

Any reason (or lack thereof) is valid for wanting to CTB. As for CTB'ing to avoid an uncertain, likely painful and miserable future, including the inevitable (age, decline, disease, and infirmity), it is a very rational, logical reason in and of itself. I know I certainly don't plan to live for decades on end (in my 30's now) just to face the reality of decline and suffering through age and weathering.

 

[bloop714]

Same reason, I think whatever I am going to do in life, I am going to fail for sure and my parents won't be always there to provide me expenses

 

[outrider567]

To avoid the present and the future both, both are dark and depressing without end

 

[Tartuffe]

I feel your thought too.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

avoiding the future is a big reason for me to ctb too. im unemployed and have no income and am living on welfare in temporary housing. eventually, im probably going to lose welfare and housing. i want to die before that happens. and i dont want to participate in this capitalist/consumerist hellhole either, thats why i refuse to even try to get a job (along with being disabled and employers discriminating against me). so ive doomed my own future, but i dont want a future where im just another productive worker and complicit consumer, i'd rather have no future at all

also with how awful the world is and how it just keeps getting worse... trans genocide is escalating, the planet is dying, society is accelerating toward a technofascist death spiral... its all fucked. the future is terrifying. i prefer no future.

 

[killmeiwannadie]

I dont know if i would call it fear. I dont want to do anything anymore and i'm not interested in sticking around much longer. so i'm thinking its more apathy. i don't care if things "could" turn around if i just do x y z. i dont care about a furture here I dont want to grow old and die naturally. that would just be to long being here. i dont want that. i want to be dead yesterday.

 

[Ligottian]

I have no desire to get old. I watched both of my parents die in their 80's. Hard deaths.

 

[Winry]

As they once said -

I hate worrying about the future cause all my current problems are based around the past.

Modern Baseball lyrics?

 

[aubrey!]

Modern Baseball lyrics?

something like that..

 

[Green Destiny]

Just looking at past history you can see just how bad things can get. Who in their right mind would want to deal with the possibility of going through such terrible things be it war, famine, starvation, displacement, torture and many other horrible things? I did not ask to be here and I do not believe I have a contractual obligation to stay here just because I happened to be conceived and brought into this existence.

 

[scamper]

This is exactly what I feel like. I sometimes found it hard to put into words how I felt about suicide but you have described it near perfectly. Thanks for posting this and I wish you the best.

 

[Rob1984]

I can really relate to the relief that ctb gives me. Just the idea that I have the ability to walk away from life relaxes me. When I get overwhelmed, I remind myself how insignificant my existence is, and especially how insignificant my problems are in the grand scheme of the universe. Recognizing my mortality is what actually keeps me somewhat sane lol. When my depression or anxiety really acts up, I remind myself that I will one day vanish, and so will all my worries, problems, and memories. Not only does it relax me, but ironically it actually gives me hope and optimism for my future. Something about recognizing how insignificant this game we were all forced to participate in gives me a sense of liberation. Maybe because I recognize no matter what, things will come to an end? That nothing lasts forever... Amazingly, the lack of inherent meaning to life is what motivates me to stay alive. I find when I get the most anxious or depressed is when I am taking everything much too seriously.

 

[Traveler VII]

As they once said -

I hate worrying about the future cause all my current problems are based around the past.

Historical precedent.

 

[Twoped538]

At the risk of being catagorized as a pro-lifer, I can say that in the 50+ years I exist, life has been (kind of) worthwhile for me. Even a lot of difficulties in life have worked out well, beacause overcoming those difficulties and setbacks made me stronger and made me feel good about myself. Positive liife experiences include about 10 years of a happy marriage, before things turned saur, raising children, a reasonably successful career and generally a lot of nice things to experience like holidays and seeing movies. Regarding my own life up to now, I am neutral, perhaps even slightly positive: the happy moments and the shitty, painful moments approximately cancel each other out. However, on a philosophical level I'm more negative: so many people die and suffer terribly that I should welcome "the all-destructive asteroid".
For me, the possibility of suicide in a humane way (which is now blocked by laws against selling the right drugs for this), would make a difference in a very positive way. It would significantly reduce my fear of getting caught in a situation of not being able to avoid great suffering. That's why the end-of-life-rights movement is so important.

 

[Ligottian]

Artificial intelligence. "Living" robots. Chips in the brain. The mind being downloaded into a disc. Digital currency. No thank you. That's not a world I wish to live in. I never thought technology would be the last straw that would push me to CTB, but it just may do it.