ketamine, xanax, alcohol, prometazin heroin, fent, tramol

[rotting]

I used recreative ketamine 2 times, and the friends that where with me (even doctors) said to me ketamine was an option for my tipe of depression.

but I couldn't afford the treatment.in a clinic, so
I buyed it illegally, but took whit responsibility (IV) with the companie of my boyfriend.
and my depression got really better (it helped me with the suicidal thoughts, but the other medications I take help me with the other symptoms that I was kinda getting better.

I have problems with alcohol, and nicotine (and this month I starded to take alprazolam (xanax) every day

I'm very self awere with when i have to stop with the álcool, end i can control myself to not use it always (I'm afraid of loosing this ability)

especially now I feel so desperate to try fent, heroin opioid in general, ketamine, álcool, xanax, prometazine all at once.

I'm afraid of becoming an addict. I need help but can't ask anyone to talk to md

 

[Systemic]

Please don't try heroin and fent. Everything else can be dealt with.

 

[rotting]

thanks for replying

Please don't try heroin and fent. Everything else can be dealt with.

my struggle here is that I feel like I can control my addiction with alcohol, even xans I can kinda deal with it.
but my ocd keep convincing me it's a great idea to take heroin, fent, morfine, (or anything to deal with the pain) :/
I cannot say this to anyone in my life. I feel embarrassed for having this kinda of thoughts, so I don't even tell my therapist or no one

and sorry for the bad writing, or if it's confusing.
i'm bad with words even in my native language, i can't express myself very well (plus, I was totally high when I wrote it last night)