synthcadia
dissociated angel.
- Jul 8, 2023
- 271
so i'm just thinking that sometimes i'm a fraud or i'm a fake or something. like sometimes i feel like i am lying about my true personality (if i have one) to everyone. sometimes i feel like i'm being subconsciously manipulative to everyone.
sometimes i ponder this and ask myself what i even like, and then i do a spiral from there. it's just mega annoying, i feel like i come off as fake when i want to be genuine.
also people tell me i'm strong but i don't believe that. i feel like a fractured human, someone who was changed. i don't feel like strong, i feel weak and cowardly, actually.
i've only been proud of 2 things and neither of those things are things my parents are proud of. i don't want to be a lawyer when i grow up, i want to be a content creator. but that's not a real "job" so i have to be a lawyer. it's cultural. and i kinda hate it. maybe i can do both. i've seen others do it, so can i.
i wish my life was different in a lot of aspects.
sometimes i ponder this and ask myself what i even like, and then i do a spiral from there. it's just mega annoying, i feel like i come off as fake when i want to be genuine.
also people tell me i'm strong but i don't believe that. i feel like a fractured human, someone who was changed. i don't feel like strong, i feel weak and cowardly, actually.
i've only been proud of 2 things and neither of those things are things my parents are proud of. i don't want to be a lawyer when i grow up, i want to be a content creator. but that's not a real "job" so i have to be a lawyer. it's cultural. and i kinda hate it. maybe i can do both. i've seen others do it, so can i.
i wish my life was different in a lot of aspects.
