Ariii
Student
- Oct 29, 2023
- 152
Ive never been able to get along with most people, but there were these two girls I met three years ago. I drifted from one of them and the other we would clash really badly, tho when we got along, it was my closest friendship. Plus there were some other issues that are too annoying to get into. Last year, after she yelled at me for a minor reason, I just kind of got tired and deleted her off social media and deleted.
Now that we have some distance Ive been getting along better with her, and I just found msgs thru a mutual friend of her talking about the whole thing at the time (July last year). And now I feel bad, so I want to msg her to apologize bc it was a dumb thing I did. But at the same time, it's almost been a year since and I dont know if its worth bringing up, esp since she's moving in a month and I probably wont see her for the rest of my life. And neither of us talk about our issues. And she's probably over it, since she talks to me like normal.
Im embarrassed to even write this out since I acted so immaturely. I guess the zero socialization I got as a teen really fucked my ability to handle conflict more than I realized...
Ill probably do nothing bc Ive always done nothing, and my life will probably amount to nothing once I stop being embarrassed at failure. Once my mom dies, I'm probably going to buy a gun and shoot myself or hang myself on my door knob like I planned to do when I was fourteen the night before my fifteenth birthday because I thought it's be funny for people to say "Always fourteen." If not, I'm cutting everyone off and driving somewhere until I realize I'll always be the same person and crash it going as fast as possible into a tree. I dont think I have a single long term aspiration or passion my entire life even though I've worked so hard and everyone around me has helped me so much. Ive just been on autopilot and doing what everyone tells me to do. Ive never ever been able to picture myself as a normal functioning adult.
Now that we have some distance Ive been getting along better with her, and I just found msgs thru a mutual friend of her talking about the whole thing at the time (July last year). And now I feel bad, so I want to msg her to apologize bc it was a dumb thing I did. But at the same time, it's almost been a year since and I dont know if its worth bringing up, esp since she's moving in a month and I probably wont see her for the rest of my life. And neither of us talk about our issues. And she's probably over it, since she talks to me like normal.
Im embarrassed to even write this out since I acted so immaturely. I guess the zero socialization I got as a teen really fucked my ability to handle conflict more than I realized...
Ill probably do nothing bc Ive always done nothing, and my life will probably amount to nothing once I stop being embarrassed at failure. Once my mom dies, I'm probably going to buy a gun and shoot myself or hang myself on my door knob like I planned to do when I was fourteen the night before my fifteenth birthday because I thought it's be funny for people to say "Always fourteen." If not, I'm cutting everyone off and driving somewhere until I realize I'll always be the same person and crash it going as fast as possible into a tree. I dont think I have a single long term aspiration or passion my entire life even though I've worked so hard and everyone around me has helped me so much. Ive just been on autopilot and doing what everyone tells me to do. Ive never ever been able to picture myself as a normal functioning adult.
