Just pack a bag, seek out a squat and OD on smack?

[AtomicNewt]

Planning is difficult at the moment and lots of things seem pricey or risky - I'm pretty incompetent. Just find a squat and take a gargantuan amount of heroine? If it works, stupid accident, and If it does fail wouldn't be in as much trouble with the powers that be compared to looking like it was definitely deliberate. Also could then just say to the Dr I'm a raging junkie and need benzos and methodone to cope? That would be nice. Or is there some massive flaw here I'm not seeing?

 

[SinisterKid]

Addiction, to anything, is not a pleasant experience. Heroin addicts inject, so the places they constantly use frequently become infected and its easy to surmise that they have been using for a long time. You would not show this after one experience. So trying to persuade anyone that you were a addict would be seriously flawed. Street heroin is very very impure. How much would be too much or too little? Then there is serious infection risk from sharing a needle with someone as I would assume you dont have your own. Need I go on?

As the irrepressible Fagin would have said "I think I better think it out again"

Please dont fall into the trap I fell into. Wanting so desperately to end things that you make very poor plans and even poorer execution of said plans. It does not end well.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Addiction, to anything, is not a pleasant experience. Heroin addicts inject, so the places they constantly use frequently become infected and its easy to surmise that they have been using for a long time. You would not show this after one experience. So trying to persuade anyone that you were a addict would be seriously flawed. Street heroin is very very impure. How much would be too much or too little? Then there is serious infection risk from sharing a needle with someone as I would assume you dont have your own. Need I go on?

As the irrepressible Fagin would have said "I think I better think it out again"

Please dont fall into the trap I fell into. Wanting so desperately to end things that you make very poor plans and even poorer execution of said plans. It does not end well.

Thank you for your kind and considered response. I suppose I'm ridiculously sleep deprived and desperate at the moment.

Thing is when I was a teenager I spent a lot of time in squats and around those people. I was off my tits on amphetamine back then but still familiar with the set up and the people, I know I'd be able to find ones I know (even saw someone from those days on a TV documentary year ago haha). These people really wouldn't call for help if you passed out or stopped breathing. Guess couldn't say was always a junkie but if I didn't manage could just say the usual poor decision making on my part?

 

[Halo13]

Addiction, to anything, is not a pleasant experience. Heroin addicts inject, so the places they constantly use frequently become infected and its easy to surmise that they have been using for a long time. You would not show this after one experience. So trying to persuade anyone that you were a addict would be seriously flawed. Street heroin is very very impure. How much would be too much or too little? Then there is serious infection risk from sharing a needle with someone as I would assume you dont have your own. Need I go on?

As the irrepressible Fagin would have said "I think I better think it out again"

Please dont fall into the trap I fell into. Wanting so desperately to end things that you make very poor plans and even poorer execution of said plans. It does not end well.

This. Heroin isn't cheap, either. Getting on methadone and benzos isn't as easy as it seems - some folks are on waiting lists to be accepted, @AtomicNewt. There are many flaws in this - you'd need foreknowledge of how to get the drugs and needles first. Secondly, it costs. Thirdly, knowledge of how to inject properly without missing. There's no way to know what you're getting - could be literally anything. If you overdose and survive, you could be labelled a drug addict in your medical files for life. Say you decide you want to live and a year from now you break your leg on accident. No doctor will prescribe opioids to an addict.

Not sure where you heard addicts get benzos with methadone as that's not a guarantee. I've heard awful stories from people on methadone getting cut off that say the withdrawal is hell on earth. As already mentioned, a doctor isn't going to believe you require treatment after a one time accident. Plus, if you get caught with heroin and needles, you're looking at jail time for possession. Please don't do this.

You did mention a squat - may I ask if you're homeless?

 

[AtomicNewt]

This. Heroin isn't cheap, either. Getting on methadone and benzos isn't as easy as it seems - some folks are on waiting lists to be accepted, @AtomicNewt. There are many flaws in this - you'd need foreknowledge of how to get the drugs and needles first. Secondly, it costs. Thirdly, knowledge of how to inject properly without missing. There's no way to know what you're getting - could be literally anything. If you overdose and survive, you could be labelled a drug addict in your medical files for life. Say you decide you want to live and a year from now you break your leg on accident. No doctor will prescribe opioids to an addict.

Not sure where you heard addicts get benzos with methadone as that's not a guarantee. I've heard awful stories from people on methadone getting cut off that say the withdrawal is hell on earth. As already mentioned, a doctor isn't going to believe you require treatment after a one time accident. Plus, if you get caught with heroin and needles, you're looking at jail time for possession. Please don't do this.

You did mention a squat - may I ask if you're homeless?

Nope, not homeless now. Did sleep at squats and in carparks when I was younger though. Wouldn't actually give myself an addiction I really don't think but one last crazy blow-out with the fuck ups I'd purged from my life perhaps. I've tried to sort myself out but failed. Feel like I'm being tortured constantly and can't see any hope of anything getting better.
Thing is with my past and personality don't think many peoples first thought would be that it was intentional, failed or otherwise

 

[LogicalConclusion]

I think others have done an excellent job of explaining how this could and likely will go wrong, but I wanted to add:
Firstly, I am not an addict, though I do have a history of drug abuse as a teenager/young adult. Second, although I am not an addict, the psychiatrist I see primarily treats them. Every time I go in (funny enough, I have to today) I hear all about how she won't prescribe their -insert controlled substance here- because they're an addict. They have to do piss tests every time they go in and some are called for random drops, and many of those called for random drops don't have transportation. They are looked at as liars and generally disregarded. Plus you have to wait 2-4hrs to be seen, even if you have a scheduled appt time. The doctor doesn't come in until she decides to, which is usually around 11-11:30, but they schedule appts for her to see people starting at 10, when they open. It's an incredibly fucked up system and there's such a lack of options for help here, particularly for those on state insurance, that she's all there is. And she pushes brand new drugs onto people who then have to mostly rely on her sample packs. Drug reps are in and out of there all day. Everything about it is enraging. So yeah, -5/10 do not recommend, friend.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Thank you for all your measured responses, in real life people rarely seemed bothered by any destructive/ridiculously-inadvisable-behaviour I've exhibited, so it's a strange thing for me. Seem to have made a very unpopular descion and I can understand that!

Shouldn't have suggested would pass as an addict for this particular one, have absolutely no intention of that anyway and it's one of the few things I haven't added to my list of malfunctions. Have close family experience from both sides of rehab so I'm not genuinely flippant about it, apologies.

It's just that after several (painful) failed attempts there is a certain appeal to just letting myself go and trying this. Perhaps it appeals to whatever twisted sense of humour I have left, spent a great deal of time and energy climbing out of this, thinking I'd won that battle at least, to end up back there at the end... And although don't want to do rehab, and won't, the absolute shitstorm last attempt caused, social workers and all sorts, having to pretend I really didn't mean it and it was all some terrible mistake makes me hugely wary of ending up there again.

 

[SinisterKid]

Trust me, I have some absolutely crazy ideations. Its my brain playing its usual silly games and I dont care too much about it. I just accept them for what they are, my mind trying to find a solution to my dilemmas regarding not really wanting to be here anymore. I think a lot of us deserve oscars for the way we have to behave to show others we are not seriously considering catching our bus.

I am determined, next time will be the last.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

Thank you for all your measured responses, in real life people rarely seemed bothered by any destructive/ridiculously-inadvisable-behaviour I've exhibited, so it's a strange thing for me. Seem to have made a very unpopular descion and I can understand that!

Shouldn't have suggested would pass as an addict for this particular one, have absolutely no intention of that anyway and it's one of the few things I haven't added to my list of malfunctions. Have close family experience from both sides of rehab so I'm not genuinely flippant about it, apologies.

It's just that after several (painful) failed attempts there is a certain appeal to just letting myself go and trying this. Perhaps it appeals to whatever twisted sense of humour I have left, spent a great deal of time and energy climbing out of this, thinking I'd won that battle at least, to end up back there at the end... And although don't want to do rehab, and won't, the absolute shitstorm last attempt caused, social workers and all sorts, having to pretend I really didn't mean it and it was all some terrible mistake makes me hugely wary of ending up there again.

I hear you :) I've thought similar thoughts myself lmao It's just that I have the experience with my psychiatrist's office from an outside perspective to be able to think "Yeah, that'd go down terribly..." It would be doubly bad for me because I had a whole cult experience where...we'll call him Frank, convinced me I was an addict/alcoholic (during that time, I was using a lot of drugs and some alcohol, but nothing /really/ serious like meth or heroin) and made me go to like 4 12-Step meetings a day and then would do...all of the crap he would do. Because of that, all the doctors treated me as an addict. When I moved 1k miles to get away from Frank, I was finally able to explain the situation to unbiased parties to get more accurate diagnosis. So yeah, I feel you, about having those urges and how it would be awful dealing with people if you were to survive x.x

 

[Halo13]

Aww well last thing I'd want to encourage someone to do is hurt themselves worse. I meant to express a concern you'd be labelled an addict after a (secret) attempt to ctb via heroin. Didn't mean to come across as judgemental whatsoever if you'd choose to ctb this way however it just seems unreliable unless someone is really familiar with hard drug use. I've had so many failed attempts, I know the scramble afterwards of trying to explain my actions. If you've read the PPeh, opioid overdose is listed but in a far more reliable way than heroin.

We're a caring bunch around here

 

[Morphinekiss]

This is how my brother ctb. Except instead of doing it in a squat he did it in our garage and I found him with his kitty curled up next to him. The tox screen showed enough codeine and H to have killed him many times over. I like to think he nodded off instantly.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Aww well last thing I'd want to encourage someone to do is hurt themselves worse. I meant to express a concern you'd be labelled an addict after a (secret) attempt to ctb via heroin. Didn't mean to come across as judgemental whatsoever if you'd choose to ctb this way however it just seems unreliable unless someone is really familiar with hard drug use. I've had so many failed attempts, I know the scramble afterwards of trying to explain my actions. If you've read the PPeh, opioid overdose is listed but in a far more reliable way than heroin.

We're a caring bunch around here

Have found more compassion, understanding and sense on this site than the rest of the last fifteen years irl combined and I understand and appreciate your input and thoughts.

This post has just nudged a memory, one of the reasons feel like taking chance with heroine is that in my early twenties there was a group of us that used to have opium tea evening, for fun. And it was warm and fuzzy, so it's a drug I don't feel hesitent about the "what will it feel like" slight fear.

Found this anyway, am I getting too hopeful? Opium to drift off to in some beautiful, secluded wild spot under the stars...

Home-brewed poppy seed tea can be lethal

A home-brewing technique used to extract morphine from unwashed poppy seeds can produce lethal doses of the drug, according to new research.

www.sciencedaily.com

Realise perhaps not most accurate but at least with poppy seeds side effects unlikely to be catastrophic if they do not work?

 

[SinisterKid]

That makes very interesting reading.

Note to self.......research poppy seed home brewing on DW

 

[AtomicNewt]

This is how my brother ctb. Except instead of doing it in a squat he did it in our garage and I found him with his kitty curled up next to him. The tox screen showed enough codeine and H to have killed him many times over. I like to think he nodded off instantly.

Sorry that you had to experience that. Think you're almost certainly right, he would have peacefully slipped away. Hard to think of a less intrusive way to go. And I'm so glad he had his kitty kat

 

[LongTimeComing]

Though I see the points of the other posters against this, I am hoping to OD on heroin. All the recovering addicts I know were forced into recovery, because they didn't want to stop. I've heard that heroin, in particular, is incredibly relaxing and amazing. They've said that heroin makes nothing else matter and you are complacent and happy. In my state, at least, there are quite a lot of reliable sources for it and many people have died on overdoses. I have no tolerance for it, so I'm hopeful I can succeed. I'd definitely like my last moments to be care free and euphoric.