lilb0wpeep
Will I ever escape from this nightmare?
- Mar 9, 2026
- 11
I literally can not kill myself. But it just need it all to stop. I have tried od-ing(pills) many times in the past and always I just felt sick or dizzy and it never actually did anything. I've tried hanging/partial hanging/suffocation in the past and again, 4 times over the past 3-4 days and all that happens is I hurt my neck, struggle to breath a little, my heads feels hot but nothing more. And yes I'm put pressure on the carotid arteries, I even tried using socks and another time stiff earmuffs under the rope(scarf) to put specific direct pressure on them but nothing. I literally just feels like I'm pressing my esophagus around in different directions. Sure I'm hyper-mobile but why is it so freaking hard to hang myself. While I've sh in the past and still have bad urges I know that's not gonna take me out. I literally don't what else to do.
I have no tall buildings to jump from. I'm not directly traumatizing a train full of people, nor do I have a way to get to one. Can't drive so I don't have a car, so no methods pertaining to that. Can't drown myself, though I still try every time I take a bath. Don't have any way of getting a gun. The hardest drug I can get would be my vyvanse and while I've tried to use that to my advantage with the addition of some cold medicine but nope. Not long ago I was downing a mix of otc and perscription pills and pills for a week in hopes that something would come of it, warning labels said it would with small amounts and I was doing more than that, but it nothing ever happened. While I wish I could even starve myself enough to pass away, unfortunately eating is the only thing I seem to do in life… not that I haven't and quite frankly don't try to let myself starve to death. While I'd like to use the CO method I don't have any means of making that work, or if I could doing so without harming others. I've also done a lot of research about the exit bag method, but I have no way of getting helium or other gasses. I genuinely dream(NOT nightmares) about getting shot/slammed into a car/given fentanyl/a sudden swift terminal illness and finally getting a break from this hell hole of a life. But still I can't find any escape. Just another reason as to why I have no mouth and I must scream is relatable to my life. I want out, I NEED OUT! Genuinely someone come and take me out.
I have no tall buildings to jump from. I'm not directly traumatizing a train full of people, nor do I have a way to get to one. Can't drive so I don't have a car, so no methods pertaining to that. Can't drown myself, though I still try every time I take a bath. Don't have any way of getting a gun. The hardest drug I can get would be my vyvanse and while I've tried to use that to my advantage with the addition of some cold medicine but nope. Not long ago I was downing a mix of otc and perscription pills and pills for a week in hopes that something would come of it, warning labels said it would with small amounts and I was doing more than that, but it nothing ever happened. While I wish I could even starve myself enough to pass away, unfortunately eating is the only thing I seem to do in life… not that I haven't and quite frankly don't try to let myself starve to death. While I'd like to use the CO method I don't have any means of making that work, or if I could doing so without harming others. I've also done a lot of research about the exit bag method, but I have no way of getting helium or other gasses. I genuinely dream(NOT nightmares) about getting shot/slammed into a car/given fentanyl/a sudden swift terminal illness and finally getting a break from this hell hole of a life. But still I can't find any escape. Just another reason as to why I have no mouth and I must scream is relatable to my life. I want out, I NEED OUT! Genuinely someone come and take me out.
