Venting i've been clean of cutting for 3 weeks and i cant handle it anymore

[WEIRDOOOXDDDD]

I've been clean for about 3 weeks but im so close to relapsing but also i cant. i finally got help and im going to a doctors appointment on monday (todays saturday) and i just have this insane urge to cut. i promised my parents (they made me find help) that i will stop cutting but i know i wont atleast for now. i wanna kms so badly, i often have these small panic attacks, weird breathing and like that weird feeling in your chest and abdominals. but i dont want to feel like this i just want to cut ugh. i know im repeating myself but i just need to let this out.