The mere existence of them makes life unbearable for me. Nothing else, I can't escape them, they make me angry, I feel no sense of solidarity even if we have many things in common, I only feel disappointment and anger.
You know what? fuck it, the truth, these people don't bring anything to the table (me), they give me nothing, no sense of peace or security when talking or interacting or seeing them, I feel nothing when talking to people, I gain nothing from talking to people yet the same people can ruin my fucking life by proxy? Of course I feel like shit, of course I want revenge, of course I am suicidal when the whole planet is literally and factually against me every single day because probability dictated that me and another unlucky 100 thousand (lowballing) should live these disgusting moments. Most people have something to gain from these interactions, they power through them, there are no earthly means through where I could be happy, I'm powering through interactions everyday, I'm powering through listening to others, to seeing others bastardize and misunderstand everything around them and there is absolutely nothing for me in it, only anger and getting angry at them.
AND NO , religion or buddhism isn't the fucking answer, I want an answer, meteor hits--->humanity is gone = answer, medicine evolves and gives me a pill that completely makes me not feel anything towards humans anymore = answer, cope about it = not the answer I'm also tired being told that it's my fault, it really isn't, years of abuse and genetics and lack of help and more abuse have lead me to become like this, how the fuck is it my fault and how is it my responsibility to treat this condition that I'm in.
Re-read my paragraphs, do I look like a person who'd enjoy the normal life? No. This is why I don't try anymore and this is why I keep saying in every single comment section when it's brought up that medical assisted suicide, humane euthanasia should be a MUST in society, this is why, no matter what I go through, be it happy, sad, angry if you'd present me a paper that talked about if I want to participate in medical assisted suicide I'd instantly sign it, deep down, even in good days, I KNOW I'd want it, I'D TAKE IT, even in the bestest of best days I can still completely relate to it and I wish I could have it, I could be in the middle of an airplane crash full of adrenaline and I'D SIGN THE PAPER RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
You know what? fuck it, the truth, these people don't bring anything to the table (me), they give me nothing, no sense of peace or security when talking or interacting or seeing them, I feel nothing when talking to people, I gain nothing from talking to people yet the same people can ruin my fucking life by proxy? Of course I feel like shit, of course I want revenge, of course I am suicidal when the whole planet is literally and factually against me every single day because probability dictated that me and another unlucky 100 thousand (lowballing) should live these disgusting moments. Most people have something to gain from these interactions, they power through them, there are no earthly means through where I could be happy, I'm powering through interactions everyday, I'm powering through listening to others, to seeing others bastardize and misunderstand everything around them and there is absolutely nothing for me in it, only anger and getting angry at them.
AND NO , religion or buddhism isn't the fucking answer, I want an answer, meteor hits--->humanity is gone = answer, medicine evolves and gives me a pill that completely makes me not feel anything towards humans anymore = answer, cope about it = not the answer I'm also tired being told that it's my fault, it really isn't, years of abuse and genetics and lack of help and more abuse have lead me to become like this, how the fuck is it my fault and how is it my responsibility to treat this condition that I'm in.
Re-read my paragraphs, do I look like a person who'd enjoy the normal life? No. This is why I don't try anymore and this is why I keep saying in every single comment section when it's brought up that medical assisted suicide, humane euthanasia should be a MUST in society, this is why, no matter what I go through, be it happy, sad, angry if you'd present me a paper that talked about if I want to participate in medical assisted suicide I'd instantly sign it, deep down, even in good days, I KNOW I'd want it, I'D TAKE IT, even in the bestest of best days I can still completely relate to it and I wish I could have it, I could be in the middle of an airplane crash full of adrenaline and I'D SIGN THE PAPER RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
