Discussion Its my birthday and im more sure than ever that id like to ctb

[fungi.lemme.die]

I keep hearing things like "oh next year blah blah blah" all while knowing I might not make it to summer. I feel like a total dick because of that. I keep agreeing, yeah next year, but I feel more and more sure I dont even want to, but need to ctb. Am I alone in this feeling? Like why do I feel this way???

 

[aRose]

My birthday just passed and I wanted so badly to CTB that day. I wasn't going to have my kid around then but plans changed and I got the weekend w her and that of course stopped me. Now I keep thinking I just gotta make it past her birthday so I don't ruin that for her.
Picking a date is annoying af - I just wanna wake up each day and blow my brains out. But I can't… yet.
"Happy" birthday btw. though it's clearly not.

 

[fungi.lemme.die]

My birthday just passed and I wanted so badly to CTB that day. I wasn't going to have my kid around then but plans changed and I got the weekend w her and that of course stopped me. Now I keep thinking I just gotta make it past her birthday so I don't ruin that for her.
Picking a date is annoying af - I just wanna wake up each day and blow my brains out. But I can't… yet.
"Happy" birthday btw. though it's clearly not.

I appreciate it. I agree that picking dates is annoying, because you want it to be ASAP but you also dont want to traumatize those you love. Good news is im putting in my 2 weeks for my job tomorrow so hopefully that speeds up the process. We've got this ️, we can make it to those last days