it's gonna be over

[L9my]

I tried to recover.
I knew I wasn't cut out for it.
I always fuck everything up.
View attachment onw to fuck everything up.mp4

Breathing is tiring, eating is tiring, drinking is tiring. I'm truly a waste of a person.
I've done nothing but suck and suck and suck for all my years.
No hopes, no dreams, no aspirations.
Nothing can get me to go through more meaningless years in life's bowels.

In every relationship I'll forever be a leech. I've never loved anyone.

I can't play this game, so I ask again
Will you say my name?
Has the memory gone? Are you feeling numb?
Or have I become invisible?

that dreamers wish away
(Hindsight) is falling on my face
(Highlights) the shape of my disgrace

 

[missedmybus]

Hey there.

I spent a few decades thinking very similar things as you.

What helped me, is:

Volunteering. Helping people. Just anything. In the beginning it feels like a waste. But then you get to know people, except it's in a semi professional setting.

Thinking most people are a waste of space to be honest. Me as well. But knowing you are this, and realizing this, is a thing most people don't until they are very old.

I know above is very simplistic and such. But those are two things that helped me that I can think of righ tnow.

Sorry I am semi relapsing but I am still clear.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

Is this a goodbye thread? I always enjoy seeing you around... if you go, you will be missed <3

I hope something comes around to make you feel differently, and be able to love feel happy within life...
I'm always rooting for you I'm sorry it's been so rough

Hey there.

I spent a few decades thinking very similar things as you.

What helped me, is:

Volunteering. Helping people. Just anything. In the beginning it feels like a waste. But then you get to know people, except it's in a semi professional setting.

Thinking most people are a waste of space to be honest. Me as well. But knowing you are this, and realizing this, is a thing most people don't until they are very old.

I know above is very simplistic and such. But those are two things that helped me that I can think of righ tnow.

Sorry I am semi relapsing but I am still clear.

I agree 100%. Better to realize it all sooner than later, maybe you with that reflection you could try to do better...

 

[Namelesa]

I am sorry you are having some failures with recovery Lamy :< Life can feel like an endless tiring job, even with trying to do the basic survival needs. I am here for you with whatever decision you make if you need me. Know you aren't a leech to me. I hope you can escape your pain soon <3

 

[L9my]

Is this a goodbye thread? I always enjoy seeing you around... if you go, you will be missed <3

I hope something comes around to make you feel differently, and be able to love feel happy within life...
I'm always rooting for you I'm sorry it's been so rough

I agree 100%. Better to realize it all sooner than later, maybe you with that reflection you could try to do better...

not a goodbye thread just yet.

 

[missedmybus]

not a goodbye thread just yet.

You don't know how happy those words make me right now.

 

[L9my]

I've never loved anyone.

I can obsess over someone but I'm not loving them.
I'm so tired of not caring about anyone. I just hurt people again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
I'm probably just making reasons to die and making it easier on myself.
Why would you bring someone into this?

I look around and feel pity for the children, dislike towards the parents.
I don't really like anyone. God, I'm a broken record.

Living without choice
is a life without a voice

I should've marked this as a vent thread.

My face disgusts me.
My hands disgust me.
My name is annoying.
My voice is grating.

Every part of me is a fucking mistake, a fuck up.
I should've died premature. I should've had my brains dashed out in front of the hospital.
I should've killed myself a month ago.

I broke a part of my window yesterday. Me and my stupidity.
I broke my hand aswell. stupidity
I'm only good at breaking things.

(shotgun) walking by the wall
(shotgun) the shadows will not fall
(shotgun) is silently ignored

(quiet one) discouraged by the noise
(quiet one) living without choice
(quiet one) is a life without a voice

Gun laws bad. gimme shotgun.



I've been told to not kill myself.

If my parents didn't want me to, they shouldn't have had me in the first place. Womp womp i guess
My friends might not want me to, but they aint the ones who are going to be living my life.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I've never loved anyone.

I can obsess over someone but I'm not loving them.
I'm so tired of not caring about anyone. I just hurt people again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
I'm probably just making reasons to die and making it easier on myself.
Why would you bring someone into this?

I look around and feel pity for the children, dislike towards the parents.
I don't really like anyone. God, I'm a broken record.


I should've marked this as a vent thread.

My face disgusts me.
My hands disgust me.
My name is annoying.
My voice is grating.

Every part of me is a fucking mistake, a fuck up.
I should've died premature. I should've had my brains dashed out in front of the hospital.
I should've killed myself a month ago.

I broke a part of my window yesterday. Me and my stupidity.
I broke my hand aswell. stupidity
I'm only good at breaking things.


Gun laws bad. gimme shotgun.



I've been told to not kill myself.

If my parents didn't want me to, they shouldn't have had me in the first place. Womp womp i guess
My friends might not want me to, but they aint the ones who are going to be living my life.

I feel you man. "My friends might not want me to, but they aint the ones who are going to be living my life." hits really hard. hope for nothing but the best for you friend

 

[wham311]

I've never loved anyone.

I can obsess over someone but I'm not loving them.
I'm so tired of not caring about anyone. I just hurt people again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
I'm probably just making reasons to die and making it easier on myself.
Why would you bring someone into this?

I look around and feel pity for the children, dislike towards the parents.
I don't really like anyone. God, I'm a broken record.


I should've marked this as a vent thread.

My face disgusts me.
My hands disgust me.
My name is annoying.
My voice is grating.

Every part of me is a fucking mistake, a fuck up.
I should've died premature. I should've had my brains dashed out in front of the hospital.
I should've killed myself a month ago.

I broke a part of my window yesterday. Me and my stupidity.
I broke my hand aswell. stupidity
I'm only good at breaking things.


Gun laws bad. gimme shotgun.



I've been told to not kill myself.

If my parents didn't want me to, they shouldn't have had me in the first place. Womp womp i guess
My friends might not want me to, but they aint the ones who are going to be living my life.

I cannot tell you how much I relate to you.

 

[L9my]

I WANT TO DIE
i'm not free here
im not free

i hate myself

 

[L9my]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
existence is suffering fr fr fr fr frf rfrfrfrfrf

i can't wait for death
hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt
i just want to sleep forever

























i like this song:
























all pleasure, removal of pain
KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME
I HATE
I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE

 

[opheliaoveragain]

we're not disgusted by you. I doubt anyone here sees you as a leech. i'm sorry that recovery isn't hitting right now. if you ever want to chat, please reach out. we're here for you

 

[Rymrgand]

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I can say. I feel like most things I could say would be empty words.

But as far as I know, you are pretty cool. I like to see you here, it makes me feel better when I see you.

And that song is pretty good!

I hope things get better for you. If you want to talk, my dms are open to you!

 

[L9my]

For the first time in a while I'm crying.
I'm not even sure why I'm sad.


I guess it's the absurdity of all this.

 

[L9my]

I guess it's the absurdity of all this.

It is pretty fucking absurd.

I always fuck everything up.

you can say that again

kill yourself
kill yourself
kill yourself
kill yourself
kill yourself

 

[L9my]

guys i ruined the user experience and im deeply sorry
also
it's so over

then

it's so back
we're so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
no ctrl+c ctrl+v here
no sir
im so back
im so back
like can i not just
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

like my life is all about defying the heavens and shi

 

[missedmybus]

What a sweety pie you are

 

[L9my]

What a sweety pie you are

thank you

 

[EternalShore]

guys i ruined the user experience and im deeply sorry
also
it's so over

then

it's so back
we're so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
im so back
no ctrl+c ctrl+v here
no sir
im so back
im so back
like can i not just
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

like my life is all about defying the heavens and shi

well, you're here, so I figure it's mostly bad but is it better or worse? >_<

 

[L9my]

better?

 

[finalgoodbye:(]

better?

Yayyyy

 

[L9my]

maybe i'm never enough
i'm sick and tired of fucking it up

View attachment 223326_onw_to_fuck_everything_up (2).mp4

 

[L9my]

what's the fucking point



just fuck everything up. again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again
i think that if someone really want to kill themself, you should let them rather than stopping them causing resentment and regret