Venting it does not get better

[Buh-bye!]

it just doesn't. at least won't for me depending on my condition right now. i gave recovery a shot for an year and everytime i start feeling even a glimpse of satisfaction with life, somethings comes around and screws me over. i feel so tired at this point, so fucking tired. i don't even want to write this all i want is death be it with something painful. just wanting to figure out a way to not hurt my parents and plan something for them who knows i won't do either. not like i am a man of my words or neither do i have any virtues morals ehthics whatsoever