Venting Is wanting to be chronically ill worse than wanting to ctb?

[kaixxnai]

I've sometimes wondered if my family and friends would care more about me if I was ill, but... phisically. I also sometimes have this intrusive thought because i feel i deserve it... to suffer. Maybe not going to school, suffering, and people caring more about me would make me a bit happier as a masochist... It is selfish, as I know people with chronic illness wouldnt like for someone else to suffer from that, it is also insensitive but its just what I think. Nothing I can control. That would be my second option if ctb attempts still don't go well, just hurting myself to the point I'll have to live in a hospital, either mental or just a normal one. How I wish to just end it all... gosh. My family does not take me seriously when I vent to them anymore. I cry and they just think i am manipulating them. What?

 

[Kta1994]

Lol nobody cares im told to suck it up and look for a job anyway while im on a 6-9 level of pain daily

 

[unnormal9]

They only give a fuck about the terminally ill

No the fuck they don't neither. They just love to siphon the money.

 

[uniqueusername39]

i think about that a lot too. i fantasize having cancer (though i know i can't even imagine the pain cancer patients go through.) it would be nice to have your death predicted to be sometime 6 months from now or something. it feels like then i could do whatever i want guilt free, like shirking work responsibilities in favor of staying at home writing or doing art or whatever, because time is running out and i have to do everything before then. i guess i could simulate the same thing by planning my ctb 6 months from now, but shirking responsibilities for six months and not ending up doing it would be kind of embarrassing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I doubt that people like that would ever care, I don't understand the point of venting to such insensitive people in the first place. And I also could never understand the people who want to be tormented even more, I think that if someone ended up with a horrific chronic illness they would wish for it to go away, or just be desperate to ctb. Ending up with much worse health is exactly what I fear, it's not something to desire. Life can torture existing beings beyond how one can even imagine.

 

[kinja91]

They done care even then. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Especially if it's a difficult to identify disability.

 

[unnormal9]

I doubt that people like that would ever care

They don't care, and will never. Not a mystery, not a thought, it is reality.