NSFW is this sexual harassment?

[godforbidpain]

hi everyone. im quite rattled right now. at the age of 23 i am realizing why so much of my mother's behavior towards me has traumatized me this badly.
i've already come to terms with the fact that shes emotionally/verbally abusive, and has been throughout my life, but i am realizing she may have inadvertently sexually harassed me a number of times?
thru my entire life, she has had the habit of staring at my body, and finding something to comment on.

i have gastrointestinal issues, so shes commented about my abdomen bloating way too many times.
I've bound my chest to make myself look flat for around a decade now (i'm trans) and she has noticed this throughout the years and told me off, demanding i stop doing it, and noticing when I'm doing it or not.
she notices my weight changes, my scars, everything, because she always stares at my body.

the thing is that all these comments about my butt, my tummy, my chest, my legs... have always made me uncomfortable. not only have they made me insecure, but she has also made these comments "favorably" (like i got a nice butt or thick thighs and stuff like that)
these comments aren't explicitly sexual, but they've always felt gross to me.
i live in mexico where its unfortunately not uncommon for family to talk about your body, but all this from her has felt wrong, even if she doesn't mean it in a sexual way, and she has never expressed ANY type of attraction or incestuous behavior towards me.

is this sexual harassment?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Some forms of sexual harassment include:

• Making conditions of employment or advancement dependent on sexual favors, either explicitly or implicitly.
• Physical acts of sexual assault.
• Requests for sexual favors.
• Verbal harassment of a sexual nature, including jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation.
• Unwanted touching or physical contact.
• Unwelcome sexual advances.
• Discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places.
• Feeling pressured to engage with someone sexually.
• Exposing oneself or performing sexual acts on oneself.
• Unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages.

Sexual Harassment | RAINN

You should be able to feel comfortable in your place of work or learning. If you are being sexually harassed, you can report it to the authorities at your job, school, or local law enforcement.

rainn.org

 

[brokenspirited]

Sexual Harassment | RAINN

You should be able to feel comfortable in your place of work or learning. If you are being sexually harassed, you can report it to the authorities at your job, school, or local law enforcement.

rainn.org

TLDR: It does indeed qualify as sexual harassment.

 

[amerie]

It's not the actions itself but it depends on her intent and if she crossed your boundaries or not, in some cultures it's common to be a lot more upfront about body parts and describing them neutrally but if the other party is uncomfortable and the person doing it is insistent then that's when it becomes harassment.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

TLDR: It does indeed qualify as sexual harassment.

No, it doesn't. It would have to be sexual in nature, which the OP stated isn't the case.

 

[brokenspirited]

No, it doesn't. It would have to be sexual in nature, which the OP stated isn't the case.

Sexual harassment doesn't need to be sexual in nature.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Sexual harassment doesn't need to be sexual in nature.

It literally does. Otherwise, it isn't sexual harassment. It's called sexual harassment for a reason.

• Sexual harassment is any form of unwanted verbal, non-verbal, or physical conduct of a sexual or sexist nature that occurs repeatedly or during a single serious incident. It violates fundamental rights, including the rights to equality and human dignity.

https://www.inspq.qc.ca/en/sexual-violence/contexts/harassment-workplace

Verbal

• Examples of verbal sexual harassment may include telling sexual jokes; using sexually explicit profanity, threats, sexually oriented cadences, or sexual comments; whistling in a sexually suggestive manner; and describing certain attributes of one's physical appearance in a sexual manner.
• Verbal sexual harassment may also include using terms of endearment such as "honey," "babe," "sweetheart," "dear," "stud," or "hunk" in referring to Soldiers, civilian coworkers, or family members.

What is Sexual Harassment? | Kansas Adjutant General's Department, KS

Sexual Harassment Defined as well as the different categories of Sexual Harassment. Sexual Harassment as lined out in Misconduct- Article 134 and Sexual Harassment as lined out in Misconduct - Article 92.

www.kansastag.gov

Verbal sexual harassment involves saying anything of a sexual nature to someone who is an unwilling recipient. If someone else says something to you that is either explicitly sexual or sexually-suggestive, and if what they say makes you uncomfortable, then you may be a victim of sexual harassment. Verbal sexual harassment includes telling sexual jokes, using explicit language or threats, making sexual comments or cadences, whistling suggestively, and describing someone's appearance in a sexual way.

The Different Types of Sexual Harassment - D’Amore Law Group

Learn about the different types of sexual harassment, how to recognize them, and the steps you can take to protect yourself and others.

damorelaw.com

While the OP is valid in feeling uncomfortable and her mom is weird for making those comments towards them, none of what they described can be considered sexual harassment unless their mother's comments were sexual in nature, which they said they weren't. Sexual harassment, especially verbal sexual harassment, is defined as being sexual in nature. At least to my knowledge, what they described wouldn't count as such. Their mom is weird, but they technically aren't sexually harassing them.

 

[godforbidpain]

It literally does. Otherwise, it isn't sexual harassment. It's called sexual harassment for a reason.

https://www.inspq.qc.ca/en/sexual-violence/contexts/harassment-workplace

What is Sexual Harassment? | Kansas Adjutant General's Department, KS

Sexual Harassment Defined as well as the different categories of Sexual Harassment. Sexual Harassment as lined out in Misconduct- Article 134 and Sexual Harassment as lined out in Misconduct - Article 92.

www.kansastag.gov

The Different Types of Sexual Harassment - D’Amore Law Group

Learn about the different types of sexual harassment, how to recognize them, and the steps you can take to protect yourself and others.

damorelaw.com

While the OP is valid in feeling uncomfortable and her mom is weird for making those comments towards them, none of what they described can be considered sexual harassment unless their mother's comments were sexual in nature, which they said they weren't. Sexual harassment, especially verbal sexual harassment, is defined as being sexual in nature. At least to my knowledge, what they described wouldn't count as such. Their mom is weird, but they technically aren't sexually harassing them.

wow. i mean, feels weirdly unvalidating, but i guess that opinion can be right.

Sexual harassment doesn't need to be sexual in nature.

i mean this was kinda my thought... because like, abuse doesn't have to be intentionally Meant to be abuse or self aware to be considered abuse. i would think harassment is similar?

 

[brokenspirited]

It literally does. Otherwise it isn't sexual harrassment. It's called sexual harrasment for a reason.

She is making inappropriate and unwanted comments on sexual characteristics.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd view it more as controlling behaviour/ obsessive interest with your gender identity. I would tend to think sexual harassment would bend more towards grooming you with the hope/ intent to engage in sexual acts. Although, I suppose people may make sexually suggestive comments because they enjoy the power of making others uncomfortable. To me, it would still be classed as sexual harassment if the comments were very sexual. I get the impression your Mum is more fixated on gender identity though- which of course has a sexual element but, it feels more like she's trying to bully you out of being trans by saying how much she appreciates the female form- to me anyhow. Obviously, you know better- being around her all the time.

Whatever you want to call it though, she's still making deliberate comments to make you feel uncomfortable or, challenge what you want to do- which must feel awful. I'm sorry.

 

[Hellis]

I think it largely depends on your viewpoint and feelings in this scenario. Even if someone were to not call it sexual harrassment (even though it fits the definition) they cannot take away the impact it has had on you.

 

[Dejected 55]

You can be harassed without being sexually harassed. You can be abused without it being sexual abuse.

I honestly hate when society misuses words because it encourages others to misuse them and people get away with stuff on technicalities.

The OP is feeling harassed, and is being harassed. That's pretty clear to me. But it may not be sexual harassment. Trying to force label something as sexual harassment does victims of sexual harassment a disservice AND does the OP a disservice too.

From the OP's perspective, trying to label non-sexual harassment as sexual harassment makes some people not believe her because they will say she isn't suffering like someone being "actually" sexually harassed is... and that is unfair.

It's harassment. That should be enough. However you're being harassed... you don't deserve it, you didn't invite it, and if you need help and ask for it I hope people give it.