Discussion Is anyone else in their 20s and feeling behind in life? How do you manage?

[last.hummingbird]

Although I've been through uni, I feel like a failure because I'm struggling to get a career off the ground in my chosen field. I'm not working anything related to it currently and I feel like every month is another month of me falling behind my peers. I at least am working but I'm not sure how long this will last for me atm and I'm not well off financially at all. I also don't have my drivers license yet, its been an agonizingly slow process for me to work on it which makes matters even harder. I lack social networks for support and its harder when I feel mostly isolated. I should have what I need together to be a functioning adult right now but I feel like I don't have everything figured out at all and it's brought me to this point.

Is anyone currently going through struggles with being behind or is working on overcoming this? What gets you through?

 

[TorturedCerebrum]

I also feel behind; I'm still in uni but I struggle with my major compared to classmates and am struggling with plans for the future, no internships or anything. I don't talk to anyone, and the people i have talked to in the past I randomly stop interacting with... kinda like im self isolating but not purposefully. I dont know how to overcome these struggles or anything but I'm trying to tell myself to just finish out my degree and all that to get myself through this rn.

I guess just setting one goal at a time could help, i'm not sure. I hope you can get through it

 

[fromange]

Networking is everything and that's a huge disadvantage for us. Very unfortunate. I don't have extraordinary skills or experiences that's going to speak on its own. I'm going to graduate and I can't get a single interview... Pretty despairing.

 

[last.hummingbird]

I also feel behind; I'm still in uni but I struggle with my major compared to classmates and am struggling with plans for the future, no internships or anything. I don't talk to anyone, and the people i have talked to in the past I randomly stop interacting with... kinda like im self isolating but not purposefully. I dont know how to overcome these struggles or anything but I'm trying to tell myself to just finish out my degree and all that to get myself through this rn.

I guess just setting one goal at a time could help, i'm not sure. I hope you can get through it

Thank you. I know it can be frustrating. Setting one goal at a time seems ideal. You can try give yourself a few smaller ones to accomplish for the month.

Have you tried joining a club or campus org? I know doing extracurriculars can be hard depending on how busy you are. I tried to get involved in stuff at school and I was probably at my healthiest then, compared to a time when I was very deliberately self isolating. It brought me a lot out of my comfort zone by a lot, and it made me realize I could slowly acclimate to socializing when I used to be super introverted at certain points. And by super introverted I mean to the point of being mute and struggling to make eye contact. It takes some practice and you kind of have to give yourself some grace. I struggled with social skills for a long time and still am not the best at that, but trying to interact in that way was at least a doorway to building relationships with some people.

 

[dying_kwik2000]

I still live at home and it's not good because my relationship with my mother feel like it's becoming more tumultuous as my emotional state becomes more intense, erratic and withdrawn.

 

[last.hummingbird]

Networking is everything and that's a huge disadvantage for us. Very unfortunate. I don't have extraordinary skills or experiences that's going to speak on its own. I'm going to graduate and I can't get a single interview... Pretty despairing.

I'm sorry to hear that :( This was something I also struggled with.

 

[NeroJune9th]

Very behind. All my peers from high school have successful careers and are getting married. Meanwhile I work a minimum wage job and live with my parents. Grim.

 

[escapee205]

Although I've been through uni, I feel like a failure because I'm struggling to get a career off the ground in my chosen field. I'm not working anything related to it currently and I feel like every month is another month of me falling behind my peers. I at least am working but I'm not sure how long this will last for me atm and I'm not well off financially at all. I also don't have my drivers license yet, its been an agonizingly slow process for me to work on it which makes matters even harder. I lack social networks for support and its harder when I feel mostly isolated. I should have what I need together to be a functioning adult right now but I feel like I don't have everything figured out at all and it's brought me to this point.

Is anyone currently going through struggles with being behind or is working on overcoming this? What gets you through?

I feel the same way after i finnished school i went straight for work and somehow managed to start as an apprentice but i was so tired of school it was kind of a reason why I wanted to ctb so I thought i would buy myself some more time by working but now I kinda regret it i just feel like im falling so far behind the people i used to hang out with i rarely talk with them on discord but they are working on getting an degree and have all kinds of life plans and I just feel like im so far behind i dont have any life plans only plans iv'e made for the future is to ctb but i keep telling myself that the future might be diffrent but im seriously starting to lose hope

 

[FoxSauce]

I just try to be useful so iI dijt fear that I'll get kicked out plus I work so. I feel like im behind cuz i want to study and maybe be accomplished ig but I have to leave.

Reasorces are limited where I live. I took a course for graphic desings (did ok) but i didnt feel like I learned anything at all. I met new people which I'm greatful but still.

I trying to save money as best I can for the future, I hope.

 

[calebzz1]

This is an excellent post, I was going to respond to it sooner but have been all over the place as always.

I can heavily relate and I am nowhere where I want to be at 25 years old.

I have been dealing with a complex visual impairment issue that has been extremely difficult to improve.

I am going for temporary disability benefits and unfortunately have to be an involuntary NEET in the process.

I miss my old hobbies terribly each day and can only truly enjoy listening to music and dancing.

The rest feels like filler until my medical appointments or something that will benefit my household.

I struggle with reading daily and always feel like I'm a notch below survival mode.

I have been able to convince every provider that I have seen to help with the disability route and it's sometimes baffling how they all stated I can't work for at least a year, my adult mind almost can't handle the situation which is why I age regress with my mom sometimes.

I can't continue to learn how to drive either for now.

One of my favorite quotes is "Comparison is the thief of joy."

I wish the best for other people but I don't have time to compare because ultimately here's the criteria that I have for the people in my life.

1. Are you going to improve my medical condition and provide treatment so I can get back to my life before tempoary disability?

2. Will you help with my household situation?

If the answer is no to both of these questions, then I'm not going to be spend a lot of effort on pointless relationships.

My situation is vastly differerent than yours I'm sure but don't worry what other people do.

I think super broad, everyone has their own story and plenty of people come from different walks of life.

I know that one day there will be a cure as no provider has stated that my condition is permanent.

I have found new hobbies that don't include sight as much for now.

Always try your best, you are not a failure.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I definitely feel like this. I dropped out of college twice so if I went back I'd basically be a 21 year old in my second semester of college LMAO. Not to mention the fact that I just quit my job. Both dropping out of college and quitting my job were mostly in preparation for my upcoming suicide but it does make me feel bad sometimes how far behind my peers I am.

Most of my friends are going to be entering their final year of college next fall and they all have already gotten professional internships and I'm still stuck wasting away in my parents house. I mostly drink to cope but lately I've been writing, taking walks, and trying to play more games.

Idk how doable that all is for anyone who's employed though lol. I wish you all the best of luck because feeling stuck and like you're behind your peers is such a terrible feeling :(.

 

[AstralMadness]

Although I've been through uni, I feel like a failure because I'm struggling to get a career off the ground in my chosen field. I'm not working anything related to it currently and I feel like every month is another month of me falling behind my peers. I at least am working but I'm not sure how long this will last for me atm and I'm not well off financially at all. I also don't have my drivers license yet, its been an agonizingly slow process for me to work on it which makes matters even harder. I lack social networks for support and its harder when I feel mostly isolated. I should have what I need together to be a functioning adult right now but I feel like I don't have everything figured out at all and it's brought me to this point.

Is anyone currently going through struggles with being behind or is working on overcoming this? What gets you through?

yep. always behind everybody, i'm broke as shit, don't really know if i can overcome it ever too lol

 

[Hime]

It's an ever-growing feeling, especially when you log onto your old social media accounts and get hit with a flash of your old classmates posts... It's depressing to see what they have accomplished/done since last time I saw them. For everyday that passes, it feels like I'll be reaching "that stage of life" in another month... Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that they are doing well, but I feel greatly disappointed with myself, for not doing better.

 

[last.hummingbird]

I definitely feel like this. I dropped out of college twice so if I went back I'd basically be a 21 year old in my second semester of college LMAO.

Being 21 you're not too late at all in terms of going to school, if that is what you decide. Even though I graduated already, I was a bit older than some of my peers when I started, but in the grand scheme of things no one really tends to care too much about it. Some people just work and delay starting college for a long time, others got out of military and then go to school, etc. I attended school with people of all kinds of ages. Granted I do not fully know your circumstances, but know it is definitely not too late to start again.

It's an ever-growing feeling, especially when you log onto your old social media accounts and get hit with a flash of your old classmates posts... It's depressing to see what they have accomplished/done since last time I saw them. For everyday that passes, it feels like I'll be reaching "that stage of life" in another month... Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that they are doing well, but I feel greatly disappointed with myself, for not doing better.

I get this a lot. I tend to avoid looking too far into what my peers are doing lately knowing it just makes me feel bad when I compare myself to them. I at least try to remind myself that even though I feel behind, it doesn't make me innately less than them and it doesn't mean my life is less meaningful. People shouldn't have to be peer pressured into posting their life accomplishments for everyone to publicly see and its been better for my mental health to stay away from that lately.

 

[BoulderSoWhat]

I thought I was "behind" in childhood, teens, early, mid, and late 20s. Attempted CTB on my 30th birthday, wow that was like a year and a half ago. The way I live now, well I don't really live now, living in any sense feels alien and unreal. When I attempted CTB, my body reacted to the symptoms and pulled itself out of the attempt. My mind did not stop the attempt in a race of thoughts about actually wanting to live. When I realized I was still alive, in my circumstance I did not feel any negative thinking like I had failed or something. I tried to die, I wanted to die, maybe I did die. But for whatever reason, I just so happen to exist after the fact. Did I live and not die? Did I die and some incomprehensible quantum mechanical fuckery conjured me 100 multiverses to the left of where I existed before, in an alternate timeline? Who knows, not me, existence is a cosmic horror that I don't think has any understanding itself of what it is. So, it doesn't matter what truly is the case, because all I can do is just deal with existing if that my condition. The way I think now, is that I don't see being alive as aligned with or deviated from any particular narrative. Of course I have a history, my story, what has led up to where I am now, but I've stopped thinking that being alive needs to be any particular way. Living without narrative is more enabling for me to more autonomously strive for things, if I want them, but without the attachment that those things must occur. In my instance, this has happened because I had abruptly cut off all past relationships. No more family, no more friends, no more people, who at least in my mind I would struggle with my own interpretations of what they hope for me, want for me, expect of me. No more narratives of others will occupy my mind space, so I got rid of it.

Sorry, it's been some time since I thought about this, my incoherent rambling haha. There are no true paths I guess. Some lives are disproportionately happy it seems, some incomprehensibly painful, some are anywhere in between. Life is what we experience and how we respond to those experiences I suppose.

 

[Pallf]

I graduate in a couple weeks and I also feel left behind. I'm getting no luck with my resume. I'm trying to make the most of it but I'm not joyous at all about graduating. It just feels like I finally stopped being an utter failure for once in my life, temporarily.

 

[miles-away]

23, never went to college and I work minimum wage. Also didn't get my licenses till this year. I'm using the military in a last ditch attempt to fix my life. Really have no excuse for my shitty life other than undiagnosed ADHD and agoraphobia beating the absolute shit out me.

Pretty much everyone in this thread is doing better than me. And I am, miraculously, doing better than some other people. I guess for a piece of advice, I don't really think you're "far behind" until you're like, 30. The best you can do is tough it out.

 

[Dying Opportunity]

I feel very behind. Haven't been in college or employed for a little over a decade now while my friends and former colleagues are in their careers and / or started families.

For me it really is about taking small steps and accepting myself as a whole. I'm working through my anxiety and self loathing, as well as issues brought about by potential neurodivergence (which I do plan on getting tested for) with my therapist and my psychiatrist. In the meantime, I'm slowly getting accustomed to learning how to drive and navigate social situations so I can hold a stable job.

I think it's also important to remind yourself that a lot of people would struggle to survive in any of the circumstances that drove the users of this site here in the first place. It takes a special kind of person to rebuild what live has destroyed over and over again.