Do you experience ideation as intrusive thoughts? That struck me when I was put in touch with a helpline after the IC SN welfair checks years back. I wanted to just end the call as soon as possible but, the lady said: 'Don't you think we should talk about these intrusive thoughts you've been having?'
I wanted to reply that they weren't intrusive. They haven't been intrusive since maybe the first couple of times I had them- aged 10. It didn't take me long to feel they were a reasonable response to my awful situation at the time.
For many years though, they have been a source of comfort. Passive ideation anyway. The actual process of killing myself doesn't massively appeal. But- why wouldn't a prisoner look forward to their release date? How could the idea of finding freedom from an oppressive situation be intrusive?
The intrusiveness bit comes from all the opposition to them. You can't do it to your loved ones. You're going to have to put yourself through something enormously risky and probably painful. Are you sure you've got the courage? What if you fail? What if you only maim yourself? How much worse will life be if that happens? In the worst case scenario and you survive with injuries, will you still be able to support yourself?
It's all that shit that is intrusive for me. I just want to be able to take this action, knowing it will be successful and knowing it had no negative consequences on others. If only it were an accepted decision to make.
What's it like for you? Are any aspects of the thoughts intrusive? Have your attitudes ever changed?
I wanted to reply that they weren't intrusive. They haven't been intrusive since maybe the first couple of times I had them- aged 10. It didn't take me long to feel they were a reasonable response to my awful situation at the time.
For many years though, they have been a source of comfort. Passive ideation anyway. The actual process of killing myself doesn't massively appeal. But- why wouldn't a prisoner look forward to their release date? How could the idea of finding freedom from an oppressive situation be intrusive?
The intrusiveness bit comes from all the opposition to them. You can't do it to your loved ones. You're going to have to put yourself through something enormously risky and probably painful. Are you sure you've got the courage? What if you fail? What if you only maim yourself? How much worse will life be if that happens? In the worst case scenario and you survive with injuries, will you still be able to support yourself?
It's all that shit that is intrusive for me. I just want to be able to take this action, knowing it will be successful and knowing it had no negative consequences on others. If only it were an accepted decision to make.
What's it like for you? Are any aspects of the thoughts intrusive? Have your attitudes ever changed?
