In Awe or Horror of the Universe

[broken_stoic]

I feel like both are possible, but people are often disposed to see the world one way or another.

I'm sure mental health has alot to do with it, your upbringing, life experiences, and also genetics.

Some days the universe seems like such a beautiful wonderful thing.

Then I'm either horrified or feel trapped by the fact that I will eventually end and no longer be part of it. Given how my life is going that may be sooner than latter, but that's besides the point.

Other days the entire existed of all time and space feels like a horror, and I wonder if there is any escape.

I wish I had been given a better existence, known better people, and could just gaze up at the stars in wonder without it eventually turning to terror. I envy people who see the world and the universe for the beauty that is there.

 

[doomedbynarrative]

For me, the universe is horrible and beautiful at the same time. But mostly, I'm in horror of it because I have a lot of love in me and I truly believe and think that every living thing should be allowed to not only have a good life but one without extreme suffering. I think the way that our universe is set up and has evolved is downright awful. I know it's a bit egotistical to think I could make a better design and that good vs. bad is a human concept but it's the only way I can think and believe.

Life is not fair but it never had to be this way at all.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I find it easier to accept if it's all just unconscious chance. The strangeness and wondrousness can then still mystify and enthrall me but I can see the not so pleasant things as simply bad luck. Simply an unfortunate way things turned out- rather than something that had malicious intent behind it.

That's why I find religion and the concept of a God/ creator frightening. More frightening than it being chance I suppose. Bad stuff can still happen of course but, it feels less personal. I suppose- it's the difference between someone dying in a totally random accident vs. someone being murdered.

There's sadness and some horror over one. There's sadness, horror and anger over the other. Death itself even is somehow more acceptible as a natural and essential consequence of life- rather than something designed and intended from the start- knowing its consequences.

It's funny in a way that we say 'nature is cruel' when it's probably more unconsciously careless than intentionally unkind. Yet God is supposedly full of love. I just don't see it myself.

I suppose just looking at what exists though, there's a whole mix of feelings. Wonder, awe, joy, horror, sadness, disgust. Ultimately though- whether it all happened by chance or was created with intention- I feel like my personal judgements and feelings about it are pretty inconsequential.

Gravity doesn't care whether it drops a pear or a bolder on my head. Regardless of whether I live or die, laugh or scream- all the same epic story of beauty and ugliness, life and death, joy and pain, love and hate will play out tomorrow. So- my feelings about anything only really make a difference to me and the tiny ripple of those around me.

I suppose I find it more weird than anything else. That all this exists in the first place. That we exist. They we are able to understand that we exist. It's just all very strange.