Story I'm trapped

[vision]

I feel like i'm getting trapped by the "go to a psychologist ; you'll get better ; don't do this etc" because i've talked about my bad feeling to like 4-5 people and they worry about me and don't stop yelled at me to go to a psychologist and talk to my mom, and i'm like yes i will do i will do soon, but i don't know if i rly wanted or not, every day no every minute it's like an elevators, one minute i want to die another one minute i want to live and have a life plan in my head, but for enjoy life again i know how to but it's so difficult to do it, i know if i want to continue i need to move far away my town bc of at least half of the local community of my sport hate me, accuse me of rappist and other bad things, by local i mean a whole "conty" in french the country is divide by "département" i don't know how to say in english but just keep in mind i'm not talking about a small town
I'm getting Lost in this thread i'm going too far maybe
I just don't know what to do, i'm killing myself in 2 month exactly ( bc of my birthday is on 16 january so i think if i ctb it's going to bé on this date) or i keep going make the thing to cure but i need to fight and be strong and even after that i'm not sure to be really okay, and if it's not thé case i'm gonna feel too guilty for my mom who helped me if we move out and she support me etc and at the final i just kill myself anyway
Fuck i'm so lost
I don't want to go to work tomorow
Sorry for a long post for nothings
Sorry for maybe a bad english, i'm french
Goodnight to guys who read that tonight, if it's night time off you
I don't think i have well explained the situation i am
So i shut up now goodnight, have a nice day or whatever

 

[justanotherfailure]

I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely, I hope you find a reason to keep going, a way you can enjoy life, but if not I wish you peace over these next two months as a happy ending to your story