Venting Im so privileged yet i hate everything

[Unsettling Beige]

I dont know what's wrong with me. I dont know why I just can't fucking be happy. I have everything the average person can dream of. I have a decent job, a loving partner, friends who adore me, a decent living situation, an education, all stuff that other people fucking beg for. But why cant my selfish, disgusting, putrid self see it.

I want to leave this world so bad. I want to leave everything behind and become nothing. Ive struggled with depression my entire life and ive been on meds, some better than others. Sometimes I am genuinely happy, but it always returns. It always comes back. Im trying to run from the demon thats chained to me.

From a mental health standpoint, I know all feelings are valid. An experience is an experience regardless of the circumstances. But I cant help but feel like shit for feeling like shit.

Don't know why the fuck im posting this. If you relate awesome. If you want to tell me how dospecisble I am please do. Maybe it might be enough fuel for the bus to take off.

 

[struggles_inc]

Same. Money can't really buy happiness, just a quick dopamine hit. You're not selfish or ungrateful for what you feel.

Imho, successful people might be even more fucked because everyone expects us to be shiny and achieve greatness. That wears you down to a point where you just want the world to end.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree with you that it can be difficult to just ignore what we actually feel. Like you say- emotional responses are valid. As I see it though, you might also be burdened with guilt that you 'should' be grateful or content. Or, resentment that other people may think you should feel guilt for not being grateful for your good fortune. That's a shitty feeling to live with.

Is it something you've felt for a long time? May I ask? I'm always curious as to whether people have developed these feelings more recently or, whether they formed them early.

I don't know really. Can we force ourselves to feel what we don't? Do you have the motivation/ incentive to try to change even?

 

[fedup1982]

I dont know what's wrong with me. I dont know why I just can't fucking be happy. I have everything the average person can dream of. I have a decent job, a loving partner, friends who adore me, a decent living situation, an education, all stuff that other people fucking beg for. But why cant my selfish, disgusting, putrid self see it.

I want to leave this world so bad. I want to leave everything behind and become nothing. Ive struggled with depression my entire life and ive been on meds, some better than others. Sometimes I am genuinely happy, but it always returns. It always comes back. Im trying to run from the demon thats chained to me.

From a mental health standpoint, I know all feelings are valid. An experience is an experience regardless of the circumstances. But I cant help but feel like shit for feeling like shit.

Don't know why the fuck im posting this. If you relate awesome. If you want to tell me how dospecisble I am please do. Maybe it might be enough fuel for the bus to take off.

I totally relate. Feeling bad despite privilege often makes you feel worse, it is self compounding. Your feelings are definitely valid, you can't escape this deterministic universe and how your genes and environment have shaped you. You are what you are and you feel what you feel as a result of chain if cause and effect. That's what I tell myself at least. Just be the best you can be. That's all anyone should expect of you, including yourself

 

[Giobberg1]

I dont know what's wrong with me. I dont know why I just can't fucking be happy. I have everything the average person can dream of. I have a decent job, a loving partner, friends who adore me, a decent living situation, an education, all stuff that other people fucking beg for. But why cant my selfish, disgusting, putrid self see it.

I want to leave this world so bad. I want to leave everything behind and become nothing. Ive struggled with depression my entire life and ive been on meds, some better than others. Sometimes I am genuinely happy, but it always returns. It always comes back. Im trying to run from the demon thats chained to me.

From a mental health standpoint, I know all feelings are valid. An experience is an experience regardless of the circumstances. But I cant help but feel like shit for feeling like shit.

Don't know why the fuck im posting this. If you relate awesome. If you want to tell me how dospecisble I am please do. Maybe it might be enough fuel for the bus to take off.

You should not feel ashamed because you are depressed even when your life could look good for others. Depression can be also silent. Im in the same situation, had a good educstion And now job, loving family And partner, money, still my depression is eating me from the inside And I cannot see the sense of living. Thinking all days to catching the bus