Venting i'm so lonely

[emptymiku]

i'm lonely, but i can't make an effort to make friends. i'm scared of them leaving me, and even more scared of them feeling an obligation to stay with me when they don't want to. i'm a disgusting person and i don't deserve to have access to people i'll just end up hurting in the future, but i'm so selfish that i still talk to my only friend a lot. why can't i be good enough for anyone? why haven't they left me yet? when are they going to leave me, like everyone else has? when can i finally die, like i deserve

 

[Dejected 55]

I had one relative that I burned through not too long ago. I kept wanting to vent but eventually that person just proved to not understand and insisted on things that were counter to my needs and so I had to stop and truly isolate myself from anyone. So, I get where you are coming from. Even having one person who truly understood would make a difference. I mean, it might not help enough to change my fate, but a difference is still a difference.

 

[dayhell]

I feel the same way. I don't think I deserve friends. I just want to die.

 

[hiki4me]

i pushed all pepole that liked me once away because of my horrible depression
all that i had left was my gf and now she left me aswell
i rly thought i was used to this loneliness but i realized that its actually to horrible nowdays when i was 14 it felt okay to be so lonely nowdays it does not anymore
i guess it is because i saw what i had and want it again but i just cannot i hate other people so much but also want them to like me

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

i pushed all pepole that liked me once away because of my horrible depression
all that i had left was my gf and now she left me aswell
i rly thought i was used to this loneliness but i realized that its actually to horrible nowdays when i was 14 it felt okay to be so lonely nowdays it does not anymore
i guess it is because i saw what i had and want it again but i just cannot i hate other people so much but also want them to like me

I really hope my partner doesn't leave, id really be alone not just mentally. Because that I'm already alone in but having someone's physical presence near,, at least,, but it's weird thing,, mabye you can't relate but I feel love and hate coincide with one another or mabye it's all I know.

I feel the same way. I don't think I deserve friends. I just want to die.

I don't want them, it's like I do, you know but I never want a friend again, not a real one,, because I don't deserve that and I can't have that without feeling guilty enough to be left alone.

 

[Linda]

You're not a disgusting person. I'm absolutely certain of that. You may have some issues - but don't we all.

Do you understand why you feel that way? Have you always felt that way, or is there some particular reason?

Yes, making a friend opens you up to the possibility of losing that person and getting hurt. There's no avoiding that. But my experience has been that the risk is worth taking.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

i'm lonely, but i can't make an effort to make friends. i'm scared of them leaving me, and even more scared of them feeling an obligation to stay with me when they don't want to. i'm a disgusting person and i don't deserve to have access to people i'll just end up hurting in the future, but i'm so selfish that i still talk to my only friend a lot. why can't i be good enough for anyone? why haven't they left me yet? when are they going to leave me, like everyone else has? when can i finally die, like i deserve

We are now mutual Miku's

 

[OldDude]

i'm lonely, but i can't make an effort to make friends. i'm scared of them leaving me, and even more scared of them feeling an obligation to stay with me when they don't want to. i'm a disgusting person and i don't deserve to have access to people i'll just end up hurting in the future, but i'm so selfish that i still talk to my only friend a lot. why can't i be good enough for anyone? why haven't they left me yet? when are they going to leave me, like everyone else has? when can i finally die, like i deserve

I feel a lot of what you're saying. The people who truly care don't vanish the moment we go quiet. Some wait. Some welcome us back like we were never gone. That's not pity, that's friendship.
Maybe we don't have to be good enough.

And yes, I'm quite good at telling others things I can't manage myself that's normal too, and part of my own cognitive dissonance. :-)

 

[Pluto]

 

[emptymiku]

You're not a disgusting person. I'm absolutely certain of that. You may have some issues - but don't we all.

Do you understand why you feel that way? Have you always felt that way, or is there some particular reason?

Yes, making a friend opens you up to the possibility of losing that person and getting hurt. There's no avoiding that. But my experience has been that the risk is worth taking.

i've just never been able to see myself as a good person. i probably never will be able to. but it's okay really, i don't deserve self-reassurance

 

[Linda]

i've just never been able to see myself as a good person. i probably never will be able to. but it's okay really, i don't deserve self-reassurance

I'm pretty sure you're no better and no worse than the rest of us. That is my honest opinion. No bullshit.

When I was aged about 9, I attended a school that had a wide range of different types of kids, some of them very poor and some from difficult backgrounds. I remember one boy, from a difficult background, who was always getting into trouble. One day I overheard a teacher telling him, for what must have been about the millionth time: John, you're a very naughty boy. (Or some similar phrase. I can no longer remember the exact words.) But this time the headmaster happened to be passing, and he interrupted her. No, Mrs. Jones, John is not a naughty boy. He is a good boy who sometimes does naughty things.

I have never forgotten that.

Deep down, where it matters, we are all pretty much the same: not exceptionally good and not exceptionally bad. Circumstances can sometimes lead us to do things that are not good, and sometimes we can make errors of judgement that also have bad outcomes. But if that happens you just have to pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and move on. It doesn't mean that there is anything fundamentally wrong with you.

Try being a bit kinder to yourself. You deserve it.