Venting I'm ruining my own life

[KenDuh]

I have just discovered that I've been sabotaging my life, I've stopped myself from living, having friends, important people in my life, because I was gonna ctb, but I'm too scared to do it, I've been depriving myself for years now, thinking it was the best. I even messed up with this girl I like, telling her that I would kill myself so we would need to cut contact. I can't kill myself and I act like a nuisance for my own life. I don't even know what to do anymore, I refuse to live a quiet life and then complain that life is horrible, I can't trust myself to make decisions, but then idk what to do, I don't want to disturb more people with my delusional ideas.

 

[cakedog]

I read some of your threads and seems like your bigger issue is lacking or seeing a meaning in life
i still think you can fix your life i don't think you have completely destroyed it but yeah without seeing a purpose it may feel counterproductive
can't really give much advice other than the typical find something that motivates you to live another day and the like but i don't think you should undermine it billions of lives work under that principle

sending hugs

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I have just discovered that I've been sabotaging my life, I've stopped myself from living, having friends, important people in my life, because I was gonna ctb, but I'm too scared to do it, I've been depriving myself for years now, thinking it was the best. I even messed up with this girl I like, telling her that I would kill myself so we would need to cut contact. I can't kill myself and I act like a nuisance for my own life. I don't even know what to do anymore, I refuse to live a quiet life and then complain that life is horrible, I can't trust myself to make decisions, but then idk what to do, I don't want to disturb more people with my delusional ideas.

For me this man called Simba ruined my life and yes I can safely say so and yes he is the reason why I'm committing suicide soon and yes I can say what I want and he wants me to die so it's both of us getting what we want.

Happy for everyone involved.

Minutes of uncomfortability are much better than a lifetime of misery and trauma.

I will not comment on anyone else going further as this is something I can only know what I know.

I want me dead more than anyone else in this world.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

Minutes of uncomfortability are much better than a lifetime of misery and trauma.

Agree there; for me, going through a life where no matter how much or hard I try only to be met with failure, disappointment, grief, sacrificing everything (even having to put down or give away my cats), losing everything, forced to the streets, and other things...I mean what kind of life is that?? Not to mention that each of us has to fight for everything (job, housing, food, etc) and still no guarantee we'll get anything. Yet we're not allowed to go on the Great Journey by our own choice, CTB is outlawed everywhere; if you fail you end up in an institution and/or jail. Ridiculous. Suicide booths like in Futurama should be allowed.