It's unbearable. My whole day is just coping with the pain. I have this thought in the back of my mind that maybe if I stop making myself anxious with caffeine and nicotine, maybe if I get away from my job I can somehow take my working body and start a life. But I'd have to stick around for months to start trying. And I'd need my dad's $ to support me. I don't think it's worth it for someone approaching 40. I want to hang myself in the next few days. I can't even shop for food, clean my apartment, anything