Venting I’m jealous of people who say they want to die

[flowersofthesoul]

I don't wanna die, I wanna fucking live a long successful life surrounded by loved ones. But I can't, or at least that choice is ripped away from me. I have mythologized my sickness as a terminal illness comparable cancer. Every time I spend a day with my boyfriend I want to fucking cry because I feel like I'm gonna die anytime and I don't know how'd he cope without me. I try to give my loved ones happy memories of me and remind them that I love them because I feel like I'll disappear any time. My mental stability is supported by rotted wood and mud and it might collapse at any fucking moment.

People talk about how they want to die, well fuck, I wish I could have the autonomy to want to die, but fuck me I guess.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

I mean, I feel like most feelings are fleeting at a certain point. It's impossible to feel the same things all the time forever. Even if you feel it for a few hours, or a few years even, eventually, all things must pass. That includes feelings. Evening is finite.

I find expressing myself thru vents and writings and rambles really help me cope with those emotions. Whether it be wanting to die or wanting to want to die.