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spiderlily

spiderlily

Member
Mar 2, 2021
33
I went to a garden a while back and for some reason everything started to feel better afterwards. I dare to think I'm happy. Nothing else has changed—I don't like myself that much, I'm still a fresh graduate who's jobless, I still procrastinate and get social anxiety, and I still make dumb mistakes and feel lazy.

But I love my friends. I love the people around me. I miss my family. I always loved them, but I wasn't happy or really thinking about it? They weren't reasons enough to live. But now, I don't even need to think of reasons to live. The thought of dying comes for a few minutes a day but no longer. No more are the hours/days of dreadful wishes. I even started talking to a guy and he doesn't judge me for my inexperience. It's fine if it doesn't go anywhere—but the fact that I'm enjoying anything is just a big relief to me.

I have no clue how long this will last. If it's like the past, probably not more than a few weeks long. But I'm still going to try to enjoy this and get off SS while this period lasts. It would be great if I didn't come back, honestly. But I probably will at some point, so see you again sometime.
 
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luten

work, love, and learn
Feb 25, 2021
507
enjoy your happiness !
 
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timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,399
Sometimes one can feel so bad that not feeling anything can be a step up. However, once one gets a taste for actually feeling good, it can be intoxicating. Good luck in exploring this new territory and deepening it.
 
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