Venting I'm done with family

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Today during dinner my bro announced that we'll be going on another vacation together next November. While I'm immensely grateful we hadn't had one this year, hearing this news left me paralysed with dread. This is, despite me telling everyone repeatedly, that I didn't want to go on another trip if my narcissistic father, whom I'm emotionally estranged from (despite all of us still living together) going along, and that I couldn't sleep for much of the last trip because of everyone's loud snoring and my misophonia. And a host of other issues.

So I got desperate. Told my bro that I don't want to go, and that he should ask for a refund. Everyone basically just shrugged me off and made it seem like I was overreacting. Like I'm the crazy one. Then something snapped within me. For real this time. I exited the family chat group, which consisted of the four of us: mom, bro, sis & me. I previously exited the main group during Covid, which included Nfather, 'cos I could no longer put up with his bullshit (I blocked his number also.)

I promptly left the dining room. Shortly after they got together and were (probably) talking about what I did. I could tell that were hurt by what I did, but what does it matter? Because I don't think that that'll last. They have the "she'll get over it soon enough" mentality. Isn't that typical? Heh.

But I'm done. Playtime's over and I don't need these people in my life anymore.

 

[violetforever]

u sound like me. ur family sounds similar to mine. living with people u don't talk to and will never get along with gives me the most violent self harm urges. i think if i was forced onto another family trip i would beat myself senseless. i have no idea why my family insists on trying to make our family work when everybody absolutely hates and talks shit about each other behind their backs.

 

[Pluto]

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

UPDATE:

The following morning nmom gave me a talking to and told me I should apologise to my brother as he was disturbed by it the whole night. Because, according to her, bro had the best of intentions and wanted to at least try to bring our dysfunctional family together, given the fact that N father is already in his old age. On one hand tactically I should do it not to worsen things in my position as i am still largely dependent on them, at least financially. (She said I could pull out if I really wanted to, I just needed to let bro know. I don't know if she meant it for real or not. And she did gaslight for a Round 2 about my lackadaisical "family involvement".) But on the other I felt really hurt and invalidated last night that they didn't care about my feelings at all, and didn't ask me priorly.

I did apologise to my bro that night. Said what i did was in the heat of the moment. Asked them to put me back into the group. What i did, though, is insisted that I'd like to opt out of the trip. They respected my decision. We're on negotiable terms as everyone is aware of the animosity I have toward my N father. (For context, he is ostracised by everyone where we would try our best to avoid talking and crossing paths with him.) I wouldn't say I'm "proud" of what I did, but I'm just content and at peace that while I chose to put my pride down and opted not to escalate things further, I stood firm with my boundaries.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

u sound like me. ur family sounds similar to mine. living with people u don't talk to and will never get along with gives me the most violent self harm urges. i think if i was forced onto another family trip i would beat myself senseless. i have no idea why my family insists on trying to make our family work when everybody absolutely hates and talks shit about each other behind their backs.

Exactly how I felt. Trapped and doomed. Bro had good intentions but I'm not willing to be the sacrificial lamb to "keep the peace" anymore. For context I used to be the "golden child" (GC) of N father. Was as given preferential treatment, but at the cost of my childhood and innocence by being his best friend and confidante. Up until I failed to meet his expectations academically in middle, then high school. Went from GC to lost child overnight.

 

[violetforever]

Exactly how I felt. Trapped and doomed. Bro had good intentions but I'm not willing to be the sacrificial lamb to "keep the peace" anymore. For context I used to be the "golden child" (GC) of N father. Was as given preferential treatment, but at the cost of my childhood and innocence by being his best friend and confidante. Up until I failed to meet his expectations academically in middle, then high school. Went from GC to lost child overnight.

i'm not willing either. none of my siblings have that role forced onto them like i do. i'm glad i grew to realize my family is nothing more than conditional parenting/love.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

i'm not willing either. none of my siblings have that role forced onto them like i do. i'm glad i grew to realize my family is nothing more than conditional parenting/love.

Same here. When it first hits you it is most painful, as you wonder if you were ever loved in the first place. But right now I'm working to heal through therapy, and I'm coming to realise that my experience is indeed a unique opportunity for self-actualisation.