Lexandro
Member
- Dec 3, 2024
- 16
Hi,
Not sure if this is the right section for this, if not by all means move my post :)
If anyone wants to give me their honest opinions, good or bad, I'm all ears please do. If not, that's cool too.
So here I am again questioning everything.
Reason why i'm at this point again. I now know I'm different, or maybe put better I'm different in comparison with today's thinking.
I started my career as a factory worker, building pcbs. Not glamourous, but ok. Worked there for 10+ years, gaining skills, passing standards tests, improving the quality of my skills and work, the company I worked for abilities in most things I was involved with. Moved slowly up the scale based mostly on my work ethic I believe. PCBs populator, then machine operator. The machine installer, setup etc. Moved to quality.
I am precise. I am a stickler for procedure and process. They exist for a reason, and just because I may think it is not quite right I won't blindly do things my own way, ill do it properly, I will explain why I think what I think, and if they take in on board great. My employer thankfully did see things how I did and we adapted and grew the company. I recall when I decided to move on he said I was the nuts and bolts of the company and would be missed.
Went on to be a PCB design engineer, sadly due to company downsizing it was last in first out, such is life.
Went on to be a technician then engineer in another PCB testing and repair company. Again I moved to engineer because of my attitude to work, processes and abilities to diagnose and find solutions to problems. This went on for about 11 years. Sadly, another downsize of a company and I then had to move to another company.
I remember the interview. This was a big one, 2 interviews, all kinds of questions. No-one knows this, but at my 1st interview I actually had my hand on the door to leave. I was left alone for a little while with schematics, problems, and I thought I'm out of my depth. The interviewers came back, senior engineer and enginering manager so they knew the score. As always, I was honest and open with them. Explained my past experience during the interview, tried to answer their technical questions (was a little rusty at this point) and so it came to the end and they asked if anything I would like to say. I explained my knowledge gained, even tough I am qualified, I was hands on, I learn better by doing, I can diagnose, find fault, find solutions, but my ability to create new designs, or indeed look through complicated schematics was limited and if they needed someone who could do this I was not that person. Thanked them for their time and went about my day, bit gutted but what can you do. I'm not a blagger, I do't lie about my abilites or experience, never will. I'm not good at selling my skills, myself, I am what you see.
About 2 hours later I was contacted and asked to come back. I was offered the job....no words really. When I went back for a follow up, they explained the post had been open for a over a year, countless applications, but none of them came close to what they wanted. They wanted my skills, my attitude to work, my dedication to following procedures, my ability to see issues, find solutions, what makes me me I guess. First and only time anyone has acknowledged my desire to do my best for the company. You pay me for 8 hours, you'll get your 8 hours and more. That's just me. I don't do bare minimum.
I'm 50 now, while my early career was long term jobs, the last 10 years I cannot say the same. Divorce, legal battles even though I tried to keep it out of courts, my then partner went that route. Gone were all my savings, redundancies, a futile battle, very traumatic and mentally draining. Times I dont think I've ever recovered from. Stopping me seeing my children was the one this I just would not stand for. Regardless of not wanting to battle, she chose to go that route. No-one stops me seeing my kids.
Years that followed were a minefield, both with my new partner and my old. If I wasn't battling with one, I was with the other, looking back it was madness and I'm sure everyone else will wonder why. I don't know, living it is just what you do. Looking back you can always see path that weren't visible then. Bad choices I made, always easy to see after the fact. Factor in shocking NHS misdiagnose of depression (turns out it was despair of loosing my kids, not seeing them everyone mornings, my home, my jobs, it was a lot to dl with) Pumping me full of meds that made me worse, not better, to the point of near suicide. I actually got a tatoo on my wrist as a reminder how close it came on several occasions, to remind me to fight on. Anyway, enough self pity.
So, here I am again, in a job I managed to somehow secure as an engineer once again, despite my CV being a little fragmented over the last few years (many min wage jobs just to get by) it always raised the same questions if I ever made it to interview (so many just never replied) , why is someone with your CV applying for this job? truth I need the money, I need to live, and was passed over again and again and again.
Anyway ranting a little. But that's a little insight to me, my mind, how I work, why I do what I do.
I recall being in an audit as the SME for calibration in the firm. In the backroom while the audit was going on in front. I was there to help give info and be called if need be. The then CEO came into the backroom with all the quality staff and me, told me I had to change some things on the calibration system to stop us getting a non compliance. I said no. He looked like I slapped him, like no-one had every said no. He asked me again, I said no. Explained this was against protocol and procedure and not something I was going to do. I could see all the other staffs looking at me. I stood my ground. I was hired for my skills, knowledge and unwaving mindset to proctocols and procedures. Why would I now back down? Why was he even asking me. Long story short, we took the NC, I went into the audit, took their grilling, did not try to defer blame, I took the NC, went away, drilled into the NC, did what engineer are supposed to do, analyse, find the cause and implement correctuie actions, submitted my reports to the audit teams and we carried on. No big deal. This is how life as an engineer goes, someone fins fault, your find the root ause and put actins in place. Already I could see my mindset was not shared, by anyone it seemed. Few months later, I was part of 'restructuring' and moved to operations, away from the role I worked so hard to get. Few months later I left the firm. SO much for my the compnaies Integrity and Principles claims. Looks good on paper, not appreciated in reality.
Next job, same thing, procedure not being followed, I assess, report off solutions, and met with blank looks. None wants to raise NCs, I try to explain NCs aren't a criticism, they are an aid to find these issue and address them, properly. Hired to do exactly what I was doing, and then told no, were are not doing it that way or just plain ignoring the problems for months. Even got the the point my weekly invite to the engineering meeting stopped. I mean, am I missing something here, I was hired for this this very role and then because they didn't like what I found, the solutions I offered,. the fixes to make these issue not be issues, I can see the little things that could potentially become big things, but everyone else just sees little things that don't matter. Sadly, after I left the firm, all the little things, things that were easy fixes, became big problems. Product hold, product recalls, so hard to see.
Now, once again I am in another firm. Raisings points about procedure gaps, procedures just being not there, whole sections of what we do not documented, a total legal and audit minefield. Again, I offered solutions, I'd write procedures to cover all the gaps, anything to help the team an the company, it's what we do. Been there a year now and emails remain unanswered, problems remain here. My mental distress it at Max yet again. I can feel it coming now, its almost like I know its on the way. I'm not going to let it break me but I'm too old to start looking for other jobs, which will inevitably put me in the same position.
I can't just blindly ignore these systematic failings, I just can't switch it off. Years of being trained this way.
Has the world really changed this much? Am I just a dinosaur who no longer has a place in the 'just get it out the door and dont rock the boat' workplace? Does integrity and principle have no place in this world anymore?
This constant second guessing my own moral compass, my own years of training, it's left my mind in tatters, I've got to the point I don't trust my own judegement.
Anyway, rant over. Not sure what my point actually was now, but thanks for letting me vent it out a little here, and please excuse my grammar and poor spelling, going through a tough stage mentally atm, long story for another time maybe :)
Actually, I know why if I'm honest. I have no-one else to tell this too, surrounded by people but so lonely I have to talk with strangers.
Not sure if this is the right section for this, if not by all means move my post :)
If anyone wants to give me their honest opinions, good or bad, I'm all ears please do. If not, that's cool too.
So here I am again questioning everything.
Reason why i'm at this point again. I now know I'm different, or maybe put better I'm different in comparison with today's thinking.
I started my career as a factory worker, building pcbs. Not glamourous, but ok. Worked there for 10+ years, gaining skills, passing standards tests, improving the quality of my skills and work, the company I worked for abilities in most things I was involved with. Moved slowly up the scale based mostly on my work ethic I believe. PCBs populator, then machine operator. The machine installer, setup etc. Moved to quality.
I am precise. I am a stickler for procedure and process. They exist for a reason, and just because I may think it is not quite right I won't blindly do things my own way, ill do it properly, I will explain why I think what I think, and if they take in on board great. My employer thankfully did see things how I did and we adapted and grew the company. I recall when I decided to move on he said I was the nuts and bolts of the company and would be missed.
Went on to be a PCB design engineer, sadly due to company downsizing it was last in first out, such is life.
Went on to be a technician then engineer in another PCB testing and repair company. Again I moved to engineer because of my attitude to work, processes and abilities to diagnose and find solutions to problems. This went on for about 11 years. Sadly, another downsize of a company and I then had to move to another company.
I remember the interview. This was a big one, 2 interviews, all kinds of questions. No-one knows this, but at my 1st interview I actually had my hand on the door to leave. I was left alone for a little while with schematics, problems, and I thought I'm out of my depth. The interviewers came back, senior engineer and enginering manager so they knew the score. As always, I was honest and open with them. Explained my past experience during the interview, tried to answer their technical questions (was a little rusty at this point) and so it came to the end and they asked if anything I would like to say. I explained my knowledge gained, even tough I am qualified, I was hands on, I learn better by doing, I can diagnose, find fault, find solutions, but my ability to create new designs, or indeed look through complicated schematics was limited and if they needed someone who could do this I was not that person. Thanked them for their time and went about my day, bit gutted but what can you do. I'm not a blagger, I do't lie about my abilites or experience, never will. I'm not good at selling my skills, myself, I am what you see.
About 2 hours later I was contacted and asked to come back. I was offered the job....no words really. When I went back for a follow up, they explained the post had been open for a over a year, countless applications, but none of them came close to what they wanted. They wanted my skills, my attitude to work, my dedication to following procedures, my ability to see issues, find solutions, what makes me me I guess. First and only time anyone has acknowledged my desire to do my best for the company. You pay me for 8 hours, you'll get your 8 hours and more. That's just me. I don't do bare minimum.
I'm 50 now, while my early career was long term jobs, the last 10 years I cannot say the same. Divorce, legal battles even though I tried to keep it out of courts, my then partner went that route. Gone were all my savings, redundancies, a futile battle, very traumatic and mentally draining. Times I dont think I've ever recovered from. Stopping me seeing my children was the one this I just would not stand for. Regardless of not wanting to battle, she chose to go that route. No-one stops me seeing my kids.
Years that followed were a minefield, both with my new partner and my old. If I wasn't battling with one, I was with the other, looking back it was madness and I'm sure everyone else will wonder why. I don't know, living it is just what you do. Looking back you can always see path that weren't visible then. Bad choices I made, always easy to see after the fact. Factor in shocking NHS misdiagnose of depression (turns out it was despair of loosing my kids, not seeing them everyone mornings, my home, my jobs, it was a lot to dl with) Pumping me full of meds that made me worse, not better, to the point of near suicide. I actually got a tatoo on my wrist as a reminder how close it came on several occasions, to remind me to fight on. Anyway, enough self pity.
So, here I am again, in a job I managed to somehow secure as an engineer once again, despite my CV being a little fragmented over the last few years (many min wage jobs just to get by) it always raised the same questions if I ever made it to interview (so many just never replied) , why is someone with your CV applying for this job? truth I need the money, I need to live, and was passed over again and again and again.
Anyway ranting a little. But that's a little insight to me, my mind, how I work, why I do what I do.
I recall being in an audit as the SME for calibration in the firm. In the backroom while the audit was going on in front. I was there to help give info and be called if need be. The then CEO came into the backroom with all the quality staff and me, told me I had to change some things on the calibration system to stop us getting a non compliance. I said no. He looked like I slapped him, like no-one had every said no. He asked me again, I said no. Explained this was against protocol and procedure and not something I was going to do. I could see all the other staffs looking at me. I stood my ground. I was hired for my skills, knowledge and unwaving mindset to proctocols and procedures. Why would I now back down? Why was he even asking me. Long story short, we took the NC, I went into the audit, took their grilling, did not try to defer blame, I took the NC, went away, drilled into the NC, did what engineer are supposed to do, analyse, find the cause and implement correctuie actions, submitted my reports to the audit teams and we carried on. No big deal. This is how life as an engineer goes, someone fins fault, your find the root ause and put actins in place. Already I could see my mindset was not shared, by anyone it seemed. Few months later, I was part of 'restructuring' and moved to operations, away from the role I worked so hard to get. Few months later I left the firm. SO much for my the compnaies Integrity and Principles claims. Looks good on paper, not appreciated in reality.
Next job, same thing, procedure not being followed, I assess, report off solutions, and met with blank looks. None wants to raise NCs, I try to explain NCs aren't a criticism, they are an aid to find these issue and address them, properly. Hired to do exactly what I was doing, and then told no, were are not doing it that way or just plain ignoring the problems for months. Even got the the point my weekly invite to the engineering meeting stopped. I mean, am I missing something here, I was hired for this this very role and then because they didn't like what I found, the solutions I offered,. the fixes to make these issue not be issues, I can see the little things that could potentially become big things, but everyone else just sees little things that don't matter. Sadly, after I left the firm, all the little things, things that were easy fixes, became big problems. Product hold, product recalls, so hard to see.
Now, once again I am in another firm. Raisings points about procedure gaps, procedures just being not there, whole sections of what we do not documented, a total legal and audit minefield. Again, I offered solutions, I'd write procedures to cover all the gaps, anything to help the team an the company, it's what we do. Been there a year now and emails remain unanswered, problems remain here. My mental distress it at Max yet again. I can feel it coming now, its almost like I know its on the way. I'm not going to let it break me but I'm too old to start looking for other jobs, which will inevitably put me in the same position.
I can't just blindly ignore these systematic failings, I just can't switch it off. Years of being trained this way.
Has the world really changed this much? Am I just a dinosaur who no longer has a place in the 'just get it out the door and dont rock the boat' workplace? Does integrity and principle have no place in this world anymore?
This constant second guessing my own moral compass, my own years of training, it's left my mind in tatters, I've got to the point I don't trust my own judegement.
Anyway, rant over. Not sure what my point actually was now, but thanks for letting me vent it out a little here, and please excuse my grammar and poor spelling, going through a tough stage mentally atm, long story for another time maybe :)
Actually, I know why if I'm honest. I have no-one else to tell this too, surrounded by people but so lonely I have to talk with strangers.
